Lending a Hand
by Pancakes107
Summary: When Bella introduced Edward and Alice, fireworks flew. Two years later, when their flame begins to fade, she'll do anything to keep them together... including carrying out the ultimate betrayal.
1. Chapter 1

There's little I hate more than a bulbous alarm clock waking me up in the morning. The clang of the chimes so loud and disruptive jolt me from my dreams and take away all adventure that had resided in my thoughts. There is peace in my dreams, no decisions to be made, no life plan to be written and I am safe and warm. I am floating in the sea, swimming next to a dolphin named Annie, naked with nature. Six AM rolls around and brings me back to reality. Small houses cookie cut to look like each other, families cookie cut the same. Suburban mini vans filled with soccer moms that actually cut out cookies for their children to snack on.

I roll my weary shoulders and stretch my arms, climb from my perched up cotton bedspread, and grab the clothes I've laid out for myself the night prior. With a quick brush of my teeth, the shower is started and piping hot water ebbs over the peaks and valleys of my skin. I rub the slippery smoothness of a dove bar against my body, scrub my fingertips through the syrup in my hair and run a blade over the coarse hair the day tends to bring. Towel dry below the neck, a fast blow of my hair, and a quick slick of eyeliner and I'm good to go. It's the start of a new day, but the routine is always the same. Never changes, never finds the courage to.

I wander down the stairwell of my parent's home; the same one I grew up in. The same wall paneling rests against the wall I've looked at for all of my twenty two years. The yellow countertop is a treasure trove of orange bottles with white lids. I open my mother's weekly pill container and put the correct medications in each date. One blue, one yellow, one peach for Sunday and so on and so forth. I try not to think about this particular cocktail of medications when I'm filling her box each week, so they simply become colors in my head; shapes, occasionally, when two or more of the medications are simply white. Like an LSD den, objects take no name. They are but shapes and colors and sizes floating in a seven compartment case.

Cracking my neck, I press the start button to the coffee pot. Dad will be up soon, and he will most certainly not be able to form a sentence until he's had a cup of joe or two. The steaming brown liquid drips from the canister and the glass carries its triumph. I straighten the pictures residing on our fridge, the same ones that I straightened the day before. The one of Emmett and me at graduation, the one of Edward and me fishing when we were kids and the one of Em and Rosalie at Christmas last year. They don't touch anything, and have no reason to lose their organization but my brother is an oaf; he leaves a path of destruction wherever he goes. I place two slices of white bread in the toaster and slide the lever down. While I don't need coffee to function, a little cinnamon sugar has never hurt anyone.

As I go to grab the butter dish from the icebox, the disruptive chime of my cell phone goes off, loudly. Sighing, I rush to grab it before it wakes up the rest of our household.

"Hello?" I tend to answer my phone in monotone.

"Bella? You busy?"

I groan at his language selection. No good can come from this conversation.

"Why, Edward?" is the only answer I can give.

"I kind of need some help…" he trails.

"I'm making breakfast. Call Emmett." I tell him. My toast pops up, looking perfectly brown and smelling ahhhhmazing. My sense of smell can barely wait for my mouth to have the pleasure. I grip the slices between my fingers and drop them on a paper plate.

"Can't. It's Sunday morning, you know he'll be hung-over as shit and you know I wouldn't call unless it was important."

"What's the matter?" I sigh into the receiver. I spread the butter against the warm sustenance, and shake on the flecks of light brown cinnamon sugar.

"I'm…uh, kind of in jail." he stutters carefully.

"What?! The fuck did you do?" I exclaim, dropping my knife. I've almost forgotten everyone else is sleeping in.

"Relax your ass, its cool. I got into a stupid fight with some guy at the club last night and the cops threw me in the drunk tank to cool off. I'm free to go, but they won't let me leave unless someone comes to pick me up. Seeing as how you're the only person I know who would be up at this hour on a Sunday…"

I take a breath and let out a humorless laugh.

"You are _such_ an idiot. You know that right?" I huff. I really don't feel like driving his ass around because he couldn't hold his liquor for a night.

"Love you too. Come on, Bella. Please? There's no one else I can call." He begs; his baritone low in my ear.

"Call Carlisle, Edward. He'll come get you. Your mom will never let you sit in there." I crunch into my toast. Yup, the nose was right. Sweet deliciousness for my tongue.

"Are you kidding? He'll go ape shit, my mom will probably cry and I'll have to hear about this for a month, I can't call him!"

He has a point.

"This really doesn't sound like my problem." I say, swaying my hips to the delicious beat enveloping my mouth.

"Damn it, Bella, come on. Please. I'll owe you. Big time."

He also knows I can't say no.

"Fine, fuck," I sigh, dropping my toast to the plate. "I'm coming."

"Yes! Thank you. Thank you, thank you. You're the best." He says, hanging up before I can respond.

Yeah, the best, I am.

* * *

Cars fly passed me as I sit at a red light. I try to catch sight of each of their drivers. A young woman in a white mustang…did she have money or were her bills two months behind to pay for that thing? And the man on a motorcycle; was someone at home worrying about his safety? Or telling him to trim that god-awfully offensive looking beard? The light turns green and I shake my head to focus. I haven't had the ability to do so in some time; my head seems to float with the fluff in the sky. I slide my car between two lines in the lot of the local county jail. I shield my face like a celebrity as I make my way inside, slightly embarrassed that I've got to be there in the first place.

There is a tall thin man in a black uniform sitting in the front, and he smiles upon seeing me enter as if he's hit the jackpot in a small pot lottery. Gross.

"Mornin' Miss. How can I help you?" He asks, his moustache moving to one side as he moves his lips.

"I'm here to bail out my friend…Edward Cullen?" I more ask, than say.

"DAWSON!" He shouts, and I jump back at the sound. "We got a taker for the Cullen kid."

Officer Dawson accompanies one wrinkled, slumped and looking worse for the wear Edward around the corner to where I stand.

"Hey Bell…" He scratches the back of his head, those messy short locks of his, and at least has the wherewithal to look sheepish. I just make a face to reply.

We both sign a few forms for Mr. Moustache before we can go outside and get in the car.

As he buckles, my tongue can be bitten no more.

"You are such a moron." I reiterate as I pull out of the spot.

"You weren't even there, Bella. How do you know the other guy wasn't the moron?" he said, tiredly.

"You're _both_ morons. I don't have to have been there to know that. You're too old for this shit, Edward. Why are you fighting guys in clubs?" I ask.

"I just was, okay? I pissed him off, he said some shit, which in turn, pissed me off, and someone swung. It wasn't a big deal, fuck." He scrubbed his face with his hands.

"Well, what did you do to piss him off in the first place?"

"Nothing, okay? Don't worry about it."

"Bullshit. As the person whose day you interrupted to come get your ass, I do believe I deserve the full story." I say.

"The person whose day I interrupted? Seriously? What did I interrupt, Bella? A titillating afternoon of reading yet another five dollar book? Give it a rest, I really _don't_ feel good right now."

"Wow, must be something serious for you to cop such a bitchy attitude with me." I hang a left and turn into the parking lot of a greasy fast food joint that will no doubt serve something deep fried this early.

"Sorry… I'm not trying to be a dick, I just don't want to talk about it with you, okay? And what are you doing?" He asks, opening his green peepers to see where we are.

"Getting you hangover food." I say, getting in the drive through line.

"Thanks…" he mumbles.

"I don't get why you don't want to talk to me about it. Seeing as how it's no big deal and all, I'd think you'd sing like a canary." I tell him, crossing my arms.

"It isn't a big deal, Bella. I just…I don't need you going back and telling Alice about it. Having to ask you to pick me up is bad enough."

"I've known you since I was three, Edward. I know a _whole_ lot of shit about you that I don't tell Alice about. Just so you know." I say.

"This is different, that stuff you knew pre-Alice. Post-Alice shit, the rules are just different. Girl code or whatever."

I order him a bunch of greasy shit and head back on the road.

"I don't agree. If you ask me not to say anything, I won't. Girl code or not, you're practically family." I say.

"You think of me as family?" He smirks.

"You're practically family according to my parents, okay? To me you're just a nuisance." I quickly spit out.

"Oh, hunny, you do love me!" he says, leaning his lanky long arms over to hug my neck. His body is practically wrapped around mine and my arms can't move.

"Edward! Stop! I'm driving!" I shout as he chuckles and moves away.

"You ass!" I bellow.

"Well, _sis_, thanks for the offer but I think I'm going to keep this one to myself for now." He says, guzzling down some fries.

"First off, I am _not_ your sister, okay? Gross. Second, did you fuck around on her?" I ask. I might not be all knowing, but I'm smart enough to figure out that when a guy doesn't want you to know something because it might get back to his girlfriend, it's generally because it involves another girl.

"No I didn't." he responds.

"Did you want to, then?" I ask.

"_Bella_." He groans.

"What? It's a valid question. One that I'm capable of keeping to myself. I promise."

Alice is my very best female friend. We met in college when we were put together as roommates. We'd had nothing in common and probably would never have spoken otherwise, but she was always there for me when I didn't necessarily fit in with the rest of the crowd. I cared for her; I'd never tell her something that would hurt her, even if her boyfriend was looking at another girl. She looked at other guys, and if all that happens is looking, why tell anyone? Harmless behavior doesn't need to hurt anyone's feelings.

"I'm so not talking about this with you." he says.

"I don't see why not. Sex is a very healthy thing. It's healthy to want to have sex with a woman you find attractive and..."

"Oh my God…" he cuts me off.

"Fine. Nevermind. I forgot you couldn't handle an adult conversation with your best friends little sister."

"Thank you again." He leans over and kisses the side of my head, ignoring the last bit of our conversation.

"Yeah, yeah." I reply.

He opens the door and I watch his jeans move on his lithe legs as he gets inside safely.

Edward. I sigh. I pull out of their driveway and make my way home. I'd known him almost my entire life. He'd met my brother when they were in kindergarten and soon became fast friends. Our parents clicked and the next thing you knew, they were at every family function, every birthday and every holiday. We traveled on vacations together, saw movies together, cried together. Edward spent many nights in my bed keeping monsters away, and I spent many days in his backyard making mud pies for our parents to find and get angry about. I loved him, I suppose, in a way that had not been defined by any word in the human language. I might fight him on it, but anytime he needed something, I'd come running to his aid, and vice versa. He'd given me my first kiss when I was twelve and the boy I had a crush on told me I was ugly and thus made me think that I was. His lips had found mine, and he had uttered that I was beautiful. After, he warned me not to tell Emmett and in my thanks, never have. When his life seemed aimless and out of control and he was losing his focus, I introduced him to the love of his life, Alice. Two years later, and they're still happy. He fixed my car when it broke down, and when he was in trouble, I bailed him out of jail. There wasn't a word for what we were, he was simply my Edward, and I was his Bella.

* * *

"Hey Mom," I said walking through the door.

"Hi sweetheart, where were you so bright and early?"

"Had an errand to run, figured I should get it out of the way." I told her.

She came to stand in front of me and placed her palms on either side of my face so she could examine me.

"Bella, darling have you been using that concealer I bought you?" She asked.

"Uh, no, mom. Why?"

"Oh, no reason. It'd just brighten up your complexion, that's all dear."

While my first crush had thought I was ugly, my mother did not. She was simply on a mission to find me a husband. She had been diagnosed with stage three uterine cancer last year and was convinced her time here was limited. She wanted to see that I was settled before she passed, while I, on the other hand, thought she was crazy. She was going to be fine, and I had no intentions of settling down on anything. Not right now. There were too many things I hadn't done, too many things still untried. I wanted to do something crazy first. Chase a tornado, backpack across the world, skydive. I wanted to taste foreign food, dine with a man named Pierre in Paris, and spend a night in an Amsterdam brothel. I wanted to have sex in a church, jump off a roof, try some ridiculously illegal drug (but just once!) and bathe in a lake at midnight under the starry sky. I was twenty two! I wanted to fly before I allowed anyone to clip my wings.

"My complexion's fine, Mom. Do you want me to make you breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry dear. Maybe go ask your father." She said.

"You have to eat, you need the nutrients." I tell her.

"Isabella, I said that I'm not hungry. Go along now." She said dismissively.

She didn't like to talk about it, but she been eating less and less as the chemo continually filled her thinning shell. She had been vehemently against going on chemo at first; wanting to try other forms of therapy. Ultimately, it had become our last resort. Well, I'd just make her broth instead, she needed the sustenance.

Standing with a wood spoon over the stove top I felt the rough tap of my father's fingers against my scalp.

"Hey hunny, you bout ready for that party next weekend?" He asked.

We were hosting an anniversary party for Alice and Edward next Saturday. Why, I'll never know. They weren't engaged or anything and they had only been together two years, which is hardly worth celebrating. Alice wanted a party though, and my mom thought she should have it so it was going to happen whether I felt like having a house full of people or not.

"I guess. We have the grocery list composed, everyone whose coming knows when to be here, Mom's decorating…All I have to do is put together some food later in the week. Not too hard." I shrugged.

"You know she'd much rather be throwing this party for you and some nice boy. She's hoping you'll meet someone there. Maybe a nice friend of one of the boys." He said.

"God, I wish she'd just give the match making a rest. Her eldest child and her surrogate son have both settled down with nice family-friendly girls. She should be harping on that and letting my life take its own course. Naturally." I stirred the warm broth and sighed.

"She is, Bella, that's why she's insisting on carrying on with this party but she worries for you. You're her baby. Our last baby."

"So let me be the baby, Dad. I don't want to meet Mr. Wonderful right now. Truth be told, I don't really want to meet anyone right now." I say.

"It's not just that, Bella. You _did_ finish college months ago and you haven't so much as applied for a job related to your field. You spend your time working part time for a library and the rest of the time at home face down in a book. We're _both_ worried about you."

"Well, try not to be. I'm fine, dad. Really fine. Promise."

"Bella." He said sternly.

"What, Dad?" I sighed.

"We love you. But life is short. We just want to see you start living your life" He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a squeeze.

"Love you too, Dad. But I'm fine."

And I was fine. I was living my life. Sure, it was a slow process, but I knew what I was doing. Right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two** – _The Peacock Pose_

**BPOV**

The deep purple of my yoga mat rested in the center of our living room floor. I was perched above it, palms flat against the coarse dimple of the mat, knees bent suspended in the air below and against my abdomen. I was getting incredibly flexible thanks to this yoga DVD. It relaxed me, tuned out the world. Flexing my hips to the side, I shifted my balance so as my body could stretch my legs out from underneath me. I always had a terrible time with this change in pose; it was fucking difficult.

The front door of the house barreled open with boy laughter, making my balance go from precarious to non-existent. Falling to the ground, I sighed before trying to get myself back up and into place. Palms down, legs out, almost in the air…just breathe outwards and then lift…

"Hey look, its crouching tiger, hidden Bella!" Emmett yelled out.

I sigh. My focus is shifted to him and my legs remain stationary.

"That movie had nothing to do with Yoga, Emmett." I reply, lifting my legs out again.

"Seriously though, does Mom know about your kinky living room Kama Sutra sessions? Does _Dad_?" He asks, with a laugh.

"It's not…" I sigh. What's the point? "You know what? Never mind." I tell him, shaking my head.

I know I'm not going to achieve peacock pose today, not with these morons lingering around. I switch positions, resting my muscles in a downward dog to take the stretch off.

"Leave her alone, Em. That whole ass-in-the-air thing is probably the only thing that will help her develop a social life." Edward laughs.

"Fuck you both, very much." I say.

"Come on, Mary Lou Retton, clear out. Edward and I need the TV." Emmett says.

"I'm using it right now. Why don't you both go circle jerk in your own room? I'm sure there's an extensive porn collection downloaded on your computer. Save Mom and Dad the Cinemax fees."

"Gross, I don't want to see Edward's wang. We just got this new video game and systems down here, so you need to take your whole 'Sweatin' to the Oldies' shit upstairs to your own DVD player." Emmett tells me.

"Now, now, wait just a second, Em. She could be onto something. I could ignore your wang being in the room, should aforementioned extensive porn collection be worth my time. What type of shit you got on there? Big Black and Beautiful? Tits, Tits, Tits?" Edward jokes.

"You're a pig. Really. Disgusting." I tell him matter of factly, standing with my hand resting against my hip.

"Oink."

Shaking my head, I remove my DVD from the player and roll up my mat.

"I'm only doing this because gun violence and large death tolls are clearly more important than health and wellness." I tell them.

"Clearly." Edward echoes.

Emmett starts to load Death War, Battle of the Knives, Sword Fight 6000 or what-ever the fuck phallic named game they just got before I can even finish packing up my gear. There's a knock on the door and neither of the boys so much as turn their head.

"No,no, don't worry. Don't you all get up at once. I've got it." I say sarcastically.

"Thanks Bella! And can you get us some beers?" Emmett shouts.

"No." I reply.

I grasp the cold brass of the doorknob and turn it in. Standing on the other side is my closest girl friend. Her hair is shaped and shiny, lips glossed pink and fingernails sparkly red. Her clothes don't need alteration; they look as perfect as she does. If I had known she was coming by, I would have worn makeup. I feel…sloppy standing in front of her right now. My hair tussled, skin pink from exertion.

"Bella, my love!" she sings, pulling me into a hug.

"Alice." I squeeze her thin frame. She is a bag of bones these days. Never thin enough. She eats broccoli and carrots dry and mutters 'I'm not hungry' come lunch time in our home.

"You're glowing! Work out wear looks good on you." She tells me, coming inside.

"Yeah, that's what I was going for. A neon green strip on black spandex. Real sexy." I deadpan.

"It is on an ass like that," she laughs.

My palms instinctively go to pat my ass to get a feel for how it looks today. I try to resist the temptation to squeeze it for reassurance in front of other people, though I desperately want to.

"What brings you by?" I ask, closing the door behind her.

"Oh, the boys called. Invited me to play video games and I figured I'd get to kill two birds with one stone. Spend some time with the boyfriend, see my bestie. It's a win win."

"Oh Lord, please do not tell me you play those ridiculous games? They're barbaric." I tell her, scrunching my nose up at her.

"What? Of course I do, Bella. They're _fun_. They're challenging. They aren't meant to be taken seriously."

"They're gross. '_Oh, let me see how many men I can shoot, bang bang bang, blood squirt, brain pieces flying! Hoot hoot hoot!'_ No thanks."

"You're crazy. It's totally about the challenge and overcoming obstacles. Self reliance." She laughs.

"Still gross." I say.

"Oh! Before I forget, are you busy tomorrow night? I really want to go dress shopping for the party and I want you to come with! I mean, I have a dress I could wear, and its fine and all but I'd really rather get something new for the occasion." She asks, with a bounce in her stance.

"I mean, I guess. I'm not busy. But…I was meaning to talk to you about this…are you sure this party is a good idea? I just kind of think its misplaced timing…Like, maybe wait for an engagement party. So people won't get the wrong idea and think _it is _an engagement party." I say.

"Don't be silly! The timing isn't misplaced at all. Two years is a big deal, girl. Think about it. It takes a solid year just to _get_ to know someone, and once you do, one or the other usually bails at the first chance they get. If you're still together after two, it means you really have something. It's a major accomplishment. And, come here," she says, looking over her shoulder to make sure we're alone. She leans in close and whispers in my ear "I'm pretty sure he's going to propose _at_ the party!"

I pull away and look at her. She's clasped her hand over her mouth to cover her grin.

"What makes you think that?" I ask.

"It just makes sense. I mean, we're each other's forever right? Everyone we know is going to be there and we made it to that all important two year mark…I just really think that he's ready. I think we both are. I'm so excited!" she says with a small laugh, and grasping my arms. "And it's all because of you."

"I'm glad you're happy Al." I shrug and she quickly wraps her arms around me again for a quick squeeze.

"Me too, hunny. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go kiss my boyfriend hello before he starts to feel neglected."

She walks towards the living room and I peer in at the kitchen with a sigh. I walk to the icebox and grab a six pack. Walking to the living room, I place it on an end table.

"There. I hope you choke on it." I say.

"See!? That's why you're the best!" Emmett smiles.

"Bite me."

I cross my arms and sit on the sofa on the opposite side of Edward and Alice. Her ass is half in his lap, half on the cushion. Both their faces are tinted pink adorned with smile. How. Sentimental.

"I want to try" she says to him.

"I think this one might be a little much for you to handle, let the pros take care of it." Edward warns.

"I'm pretty sure you said the same thing on our first date and I handled you just fine, now didn't I? Give me the controller." She tells him.

"Gag." Emmett chimes. I agree.

"Double gag." I say.

"Fine," he says, lifting his hands in the air. "You talk a lot of shit for someone so small, why don't you try and back it up."

"I think I will."

She takes the controller with finesse and within moments has three soldiers down for the count. A large group from the enemy camp encroaches on her.

"Shit, babe! Throw the grenade." Edward yells.

"I don't know how to do that!" she exclaims.

"Down! A…A…E… No! That's the C button!" Edward instructs.

"Oops." She mumbles pressing the combo he's insisting will work. I yawn.

"A…A…A…Press the fucking E!" Edward shouts, as Alice's hands fly over the buttons.

The enemy is annihilated, Alice is victorious.

"Wahoo! Ohhh yeah. Eat it bitches! What what." She sings, dusting off her shoulder.

What the hell is my life!?

* * *

I wander down to the kitchen in the middle of the night to get some water. I'm wearing my cupcake pajamas. They make me smile. Some day, I want to eat a cupcake while visiting the French Riviera. Grabbing the bottle I face the living room and notice that the light from the television is on.

Walking towards it, I see Edward's crazy hair silhouetted on the couch. He's been tugging on it.

"Hey…" I say quietly, so as to not alarm him. "Don't you have a home?"

"Oh, uh, yeah…just got a lot of shit on my mind. Charlie said it was cool if I crashed." He responds.

I take my water and drop myself down next to him.

"You still upset about the other night?" I ask.

"Huh?"

"Getting arrested? Drunk tank?" I reply.

"Oh. Uh, no. I told you, that wasn't a big deal." He says.

"Then what's on your mind?"

"Thanks for the offer, Bella, but really, I can't talk about it."

I roll my eyes. I'm getting tired of that phrase.

"Not this again, look Edward, I already told you that you can tell me anything. I'm not going to tell anyone what you say." I tell him.

"Ah, but you say that because you don't _know_ what I would say." He tells me.

"_No_, I say that because I care about you." I say.

He gives me an 'are you serious' look.

"I mean it! You're annoying as shit, and most of the time I want to smack you across the face with a codfish but yeah, I care about you. If it's about Alice…I mean, who better to help the situation than someone who loves you both? Talk to me." I say.

He exhales loudly and runs his long fingers over his face.

"Have you ever…met someone, who was so perfect, so amazing, more or less everything you ever wanted and everything you never knew you wanted in one package? Only to find out that there was one thing…one little thing that was practically a deal breaker?" he asks.

"Um… I'm not sure. Is this like a Jerry Seinfeld thing? Like when every woman he dated had some unforgiveable flaw like toenails that were too long, or ears that were too big?" I ask.

"No, not exactly. Alice is…great. I love spending time with her. I like talking to her. She's smart and beautiful and…fuck. I can't do this. I can't talk to you about this, Bella."

I grab his wrist and look him dead in the eye.

"Yes, you can. What's going on? We can fix this if you tell me about it."

"It's fucking embarrassing, Bella." He says.

"It's me, Edward. Why would you ever be embarrassed with me? You've seen my good, bad and ugly already. Did it change ever anything for you?" I ask.

"Well, no, but…"

"But nothing. Tell me what's going on." I interrupt.

He takes a deep breath, exhaling his words quickly.

"The sex is terrible."

The room goes silent as I try to absorb the information. That was it!? That was the big end-all relationship problem?!

"What do you mean by terrible?" I ask.

"Oh God…" he covers his face with his hands, in embarrassment.

"Stop it. I'm not judging you. What do you mean?" I say.

"It's just… _awful_. She just…lies there. Won't participate at all. Barely makes a sound even. Sometimes it feels like I'm fucking a corpse! It's gotten so bad that I can barely get it up for her anymore! I don't know what else to fucking do."

"This is…not a problem, Edward. Sex is such a minor part of a relationship, like seriously, if that's the problem, we'll work it out." I say.

"A minor part of a relationship, sure, but it's still an important part to a monogamous one! I've been trying to make it work for two years, and I keep telling myself that it's not important. That I'll get by with my hand and death sex but Bell…I'm starting to look at other women and not in the way where I'm looking because, oh fuck she's hot. I'm looking because I want to. And I don't want to be the guy who fucks around on a damn good girl. Hell, I'm not that guy! But…the other night, in that club, there was this chick that was so fuckin' sexy. The way her body moved…I was friggin' mesmerized. I couldn't stop staring and thinking about getting her naked. If she had asked me to go to her room with her, I can't say that I wouldn't have, Bella, and then where would I be? It's fucked up enough that her boyfriend caught me staring and fucking punched me. What if _Alice_ had caught me? This is a bad situation."

"A bad situation, yes, I'll give you that…but it's not an incurable one! You just need to communicate better. Tell her what you like; tell her what makes you hot. I'm sure if she knew you weren't…getting what you needed, she'd want to ensure that you did. " I say.

"I've tried; she is vehemently against anything other than lights out, missionary. She says it makes her feel dirty and unloved to do it a different way. I mean, I don't want to disrespect the girl or anything, but I do want to get full out laid once in a while. I mean, damn."

"Tell you what; I'll talk to her about it. See what I can do about it, okay?" I tell him.

"What the fuck are you gonna say to her, Bella? 'Hey, I think it'd be a good idea to let your boyfriend fuck you from behind; oh and be a little more enthusiastic about because he's bored as fuck?' That would only make matters ten times worse. She'd feel like shit."

"No, you dumbass, I'll just casually bring up sex. I'll mention some things that _I_ like, and insist she should try them for herself. Girls can be pretty persuasive to other girls. It's the competition type thing. Everyone has to one-up everyone else. It's worth a try right? Bad sex is not a good enough reason to give up a relationship that is otherwise perfect. We'll fix it, alright?" I tell him, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Bella?" he asks.

"Yeah?" I reply.

"Am I an asshole for feeling this way?" he asks.

"Um. On the surface, the woman in me wants to say yes, but, no, Edward. I couldn't live my entire life with bad sex either. Just the thought is depressing."

"Thanks, Bella." He tells me.

"You're welcome." I kiss his forehead. "Try to get some sleep. I'm going back to bed, okay?"

"Yep. Sleep tight."

* * *

The next morning I sat atop the red, chipping slots of our picnic table out back. Mom wanted the backyard to look perfect, so Dad had got out the weed whacker and the hedge trimmers bright and early. He was standing on a ladder cutting the uneven branches from the trees. I couldn't help but run the conversation I'd had with Edward over and over in my head.

How important _was_ sex to a relationship?

I mean, I'd had my own fair share of the stuff, and to be honest, thus far I'd never had what I'd call _bad sex_. Unless you count losing my virginity…that was horribly painful. I really didn't understand why Alice would feel so…austere as to be unwilling to try something new for the sake of someone she loved so much.

I'd like to think I was a pretty forward thinking woman. For one, I was exceptionally liberated when it came to sexual experiences. I had no hang ups whatsoever about it. To me, sex was an action. It's fun. I don't need to be in a deep, spiritual relationship with a man to want him to toss me up against a wall. And if I had sex with someone, I didn't need to see his number on my caller ID the next day. Most of the time, I didn't want to. Truthfully, I was cool with doing it for fun with people that I wasn't even into. One time, my friend Ben was lonely and kept striking out with every girl he was into and tried to ask out. I felt bad, and went down on him to make him feel better. It didn't make me a slut. I never degraded myself, never slept with a married man, or tried to break up someone's relationship…I never did something I didn't want to do or, rather, felt uncomfortable doing. Moreover, I feel no need to apologize to anyone for my actions. I enjoyed sex, and, I wanted everyone else to enjoy it too.

So if I met a man, and he was perfect, could I give up good sex to be with him?

I don't think I could.

"Hey, Dad?" I asked.

"Yes, my darling daughter?" he replied.

"When you and Mom were dating…was there ever something about her that made you think, maybe this isn't the right woman for me?"

"Huh? Why do you ask?" he says.

"Just pondering life and relationships, that's all." I tell him.

"Well," He stops to exert more pressure on a stubborn branch. "Your Mom and I had our ups and downs back then. We'd fight like cats and dogs sometimes. No relationship is perfect."

"That's not what I mean. I mean something about _her_. Specifically. Like, maybe she wanted you to do stuff you didn't want to do or vice versa?" I ask.

"I'm not sure what you mean kid, but I'm thinkin' the answer is no. She does make me go see your Aunt Luella each year for Easter, which I hate and she made me do that when we started dating, which I hated then, but I go because I love her. When she asks me to go to the Mart and get her milk, I don't want to go, but I go because I love her. You know somethin', Bella, I've never really doubted she was the one, but it wasn't until one afternoon when she called me up and asked me to grab…feminine products for her on my way by, that I was sure. I _really_ didn't want to do that, but I wanted her to have anything she needed, so I went. That's when I knew I'd do anything for that woman." He says.

"So, Dad, do you think that applies to all aspects of a relationship? That you have to give in to things sometimes for your partner, even when you don't want to?" I ask.

"Well no, not exactly. I'm no relationship expert or nothin', but if I've learned anything throughout my marriage it's that compromise is King. If your mother's unhappy, I'm gonna be unhappy and vice versa. So we both give and take where we can and sometimes that's challenging, but as long as we both try to keep a smile on the other's face, I know we're doing something right."

"Thanks, Dad. That was actually really helpful." I say with a smile.

"Eh, your old man has a good day, here or there."

It made sense. Relationships are a two way street, so when one side isn't happy, the other should at the very least attempt to make a change that works for both. I feel good about this; this is a challenge I can take on. Alice is a smart, reasonable girl. Surely she understands that. If I can approach the subject to her, without making her feel boxed in or threatened, I'm pretty sure that she'll be clamoring to spice up their sex life. I just need to incur the power of persuasion.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three –** _Let's Talk About Sex_

**BPOV**

"Oh, Bella. This color would kill on you." Alice held up a fitted royal blue lace dress. Sleeveless in its style, it covered up to the neck, but cut off about two inches below the vagina. I was never going to wear that the vicinity of my father. Ever.

"Too formal." I reply, ingesting my inner vaginal related dialogue.

The bright florescence of the lighting in the mall was giving me a headache. All of the mannequins are dressed in a whole size two and standing next to one of them wearing the same outfit in a size eight, makes me feel like a heavyweight football player. What a blow to the ego.

"If I get engaged at this party, you'll wish you were in formal wear. Those pictures will hang on my walls for years."

"I'm planning on avoiding cameras, Alice. What do you think of this one?" I asked, holding up a deep brown, three quarter sleeve frock dress. Belted at the waist, it flowed loose and looked form free.

Alice made a face.

"Eh…you're too pretty for that one."

I made a face at her and put it back on the shelf. I hated shopping with Alice; we never agreed on a look. She was sequins and spanx, I was cotton and air space. Fortunately for me, she had already found her own dress. Entirely strapless, it was the color of blush. The bottom flared slightly with a hint of tulle and the top corseted like a ballerina. If you were going to a wedding, it was an absolutely stunning gown, but for the backyard barbeque we'd be attending, it was a bit much. She had brought along the twins today; her cousins, Fiona and Leona. That's what their parents named them. Seriously. They took off on us to find accessories to the ugly dresses they'd already found for themselves.

"Can't I just wear a sundress? I have like, a million of them already sitting at home in my closet." I tell her.

"You _could_, but don't you want to get something special for the day? Something you don't have a million of sitting in your closet?" she asks.

"Why? It's _your_ party. No one is going to care what I'm wearing." I say.

"Well, I will. I want you to feel beautiful. It's as much a celebration of you as it is of me and Edward, Bella. You made our relationship possible. It's been two years since you brought us together."

"I do feel beautiful, Alice. Can't you tell?" Damn that monotone voice for slipping out of my lips.

"_Bella_." She said.

"Why does everyone always say my name like that?" I ask, turning to look at her.

"Fine," she sighed. "Wear what you want. I'm signing you out against doctor's advice."

"Praise Jesus, Joseph and Mary, free from quarantine at last! Now let's do some real shopping."

* * *

The death metal blasted loud from the speakers before you even stepped foot in the storefront. Upon entering, we were greeted with a vast selection of ceramic and glass bongs and bowls seated below the counter. Leather and lace panties hung from the walls next to baseball hats adorned with sesame street characters. I couldn't explain the store to you; I could only tell you that I liked it.

"Really, Bella?" Alice asked, her face resembling that of someone smelling tuna.

"Lighten up. They have some cool shit in here, especially towards the back" I say, wandering deeper inside the aisles.

"Oh my Gosh, guys. Look, they sell vibrators!" Leona giggled from the right side of the wall. Sure enough, next to pink shot glasses that read 'birthday bitch' were a supply of vibes in all shapes, sizes and textures.

"You want one?" I asked, with a laugh, lifting one from the shelf.

"Bella, you are not buying my seventeen year old cousin a _vibrator_." Alice complained.

"I was just asking, relax! Maybe _you_ could use one, Mommy Dearest." I say.

"Excuse you, I have a real man in my life, I have no need for synthetic shit like that. I am very satisfied, _thank you very much_." She tells me.

"_And_ wouldn't you rather little Leona here have one of these," I wiggle the package in my hand, "rather than one of those?" I ask, using the box to point to a cute boy examining a pair of edible underwear. "Just sayin'. Oh look, Hello Kitty lip-gloss." I note, putting the vibe back on the shelf, and grabbing a tube of the sticky lip goo.

"Fine, Leona. Get it if you want it. Can we just get out of here? This place is totally tacky."

"Ohh, no, wait. This is fun. Have you seen this game before, Al? '_I Never…'_ It's the one where couples get together and have to admit all the crazy shit that they've done, by taking shots each time they've done someone the playing card states 'I've never' done." I flip to the back and read aloud. "Sample game card, 'I Never… had sex in a moving vehicle?' ooh, good question good question. So, Mary Alice? Have you?" I ask, looking up with a smile. I knew coming in here would be the perfect catalyst to get the conversation rolling. She and I had never really engaged in a conversation about sex, so starting one randomly would have been suspect. How we'd managed to go our whole friendship without ever really discussing sex, I'm not really sure. I suppose that I hadn't wanted to be judged for being single and sexually active, and as far as I knew, she wasn't having sex with anyone until Edward…and I didn't really want to know about their sexual proclivities.

"Bella put that away." She says, swatting the box.

"Have _you_, Miss Leona?" I ask.

"She's seventeen!" Alice interjects.

"So? We're all grown women here. If we can't talk about this to each other, who can we talk to about it? I talk to my guy friends about it all the time, but it's not the same as having a girlfriend to discuss it with. They don't have the same parts." I say, putting the game back on the shelf.

"_We're_ grown women, Bella. The girls are _seventeen_."

"And given the way evolution is changing today's youth, they probably have more experience than you and I combined." I say.

"I once gave a BJ in a moving vehicle…" Fiona says quietly.

"See?" I shrug. "Girl's got swag."

* * *

We make our way up to the food court and grab a table. Sticky chairs and sticky floors covered in sticky people's leftovers. I don't understand why anyone eats up here. I turn my head to catch a couple, cuddled in an embrace. They look happy, but all logic states that he's probably screwing her best friend. That's what guys do; stupid shit to fulfill their ever-growing egos. His eyes wander as he presses his soft pink pillows to the wisp of her neck. Maybe _she's_ the best friend he's screwing in the first place. In the other direction, a man sits alone gnawing on his slice of pre-frozen Sbarro blandness. His beard was wiry, his hair not brushed. Was that why he lacked companionship? How much does how we appear to be mimic who we are? Was that why Alice always wore pink? Was her subconscious sending out the message that she was far more innocent than the rest of us wandering about? Maybe it was a warning sign to all guys looking to get laid; beware: frigid waters ahead.

Slipping the boiled egg out from her McDonalds salad bowl and onto the sticky gray slab of our table, Alice recaptures my attention.

"Bella, do you really talk to guys like _Jacob_ and _Jasper_ about sex?" she asks.

"Yeah, sure. They're a plethora of information from the male point of view. I figure I might as well learn what I can from guys I actually trust, before I mess around with ones I don't." I tell her, taking a bite of my under-microwaved chicken sandwich.

"I just can't imagine being comfortable sharing any of that with someone like _Jake_. He seriously grosses me out the way he's always around and like, leering." She wiggles her shoulders in disgust.

"He doesn't leer, Alice. He's a good egg, most of the time; as long as he can remember to calm his jets when the conversation is over stimulating; and I mean, I learned a lot from talking to him…where to touch, what to touch, how to touch it, how long to touch it, how to make the guy think it's longer than it is _when I actually do _touch it…" I shrug.

"I just feel like that sort of stuff is private…between me and Edward. It's not something I need to advertise or talk to anyone but him about." Alice drawls.

"Some of the girls at school do it _at school_. Everyone is kind of open about sex these days, Al." Leona says, slurping her cup of broccoli cheese soup.

"Well, yeah. It is more personal for some people than others, I'll give you that, but…it's fun to talk about too. Like when you get into crazy situations that you're just dying to tell someone about, especially. Haven't you and Edward ever…like, in a dressing room or something where someone might over hear? And then got freaked out about it and needed to have a friend talk you off the ledge? Or share with excitement of how awesome it was?" I ask.

"A dressing room?! Bella!" she shrieks.

"What!? I'm serious. I've done it in Macy's. It was fun. I'm not ashamed." I say, affronted.

"Taco Bell bathroom." Fiona shares, lifting her arm.

"La Push beach…after hours." Leona imparts.

"Aw, that one's kind of sweet." I smile.

"Wait, wait, wait. You're telling me that that doing those things doesn't feel degrading to you all? A dirty ass bathroom that probably hasn't seen a bottle of bleach since before you were born, sand up your ass and a dressing room that usually smells like rich lady B.O.? My man cherishes me, okay? He doesn't need me bent over sideways for us to have a good time." Alice says, crossing her arms.

"Girl, _you_ need you bent over sideways to have a good time! You don't know what you're missing. Sweet, romantic bed sex is fun, but it's nothing like getting _pounded _into a fucking wall. I'm just sayin'." I tell her and the twins giggle.

"Which one of us at this table actually has a boyfriend again? So I must be doing something right." She says.

"I'm not saying that you're not, but what I am saying is that if you were to go home tonight, wearing a cutesie, little French maid's uniform and inform your boyfriend of how you've been a bad girl, and broke his favorite piece of antique crystal while dusting his mansion on the hills, and desperately need his punishment, you'll blow his mind. And as a reward, he'll blow yours."

"Amen." Leona raises her plastic cup of pink lemonade in toast, and I clink it with my diet coke.

Alice shakes her head softly.

"I just find it kind of discouraging that you girls feel the need to put on a whole act just to please some guy. It is so unnecessary. When you find the right one, he'll treat you like a princess inside and outside of the bedroom. You won't need to do those things anymore." She informs.

"God, I hope that's not true." I smirk.

Alice reaches over and chucks a piece of hardboiled egg at me.

The four of us laugh.

Suddenly a dark shadow falls over my face and I can feel the warmth of someone behind me.

"Did you buy it?" a deep voice questions in my ear.

"Uh, I'm sorry?" I reply.

"Your, uh, personal massager. The one you waved at me earlier."

I turn my head to see who I'm talking to. It's the cute boy with the edible undies from earlier. His hair a deep cinnamon hue, his eyes warm and green; he was tall and thin. He had enough bulk in his shoulders to be masculine without being overtly built. He reminded me a bit of Edward.

"I'm not sure how I feel about answering that question. It's not every day that a stranger asks me something so personal." I tell him.

He grabs a chair from the table behind us and sits in it, backwards.

"It's not every day that a woman waves such a personal item at me." He replies.

"Oh, no, I was _not_ waving it at _you_, I was just…_waving_ it to make a point to my friend. Besides, I didn't ask _you_ about _your_ panty fetish."

"Ah, but you could have. I have no fetish. My brother's getting married next weekend. Bachelor party gag gift." He says, holding up his bag.

"Gags on you when he goes ahead and uses it. Does your brother know he has a perv for a brother?" I sass.

"Ouch, you wound me. Why am I a perv?"

"You're only talking to me because you saw me holding a vibrator and thought maybe I'd rather apply your services instead. I am not naïve enough to think otherwise." I tell him.

"I'm talking to you _because_ I happen to think that you're beautiful and would really love to take you out for a drink."

…Okay, so that was kind of cute. _He_ was kind of cute. The thing was, I was enjoying being single and I didn't really want to date anyone for a while; not to mention, I didn't trust a man who would pick up a girl who had been waving around a sex toy, literally. But he _was_ so cute… Tall, dark and handsome.

"So then what? You think I'll go home with you after a drink or two? Is that your goal here?" I ask, willing and hoping to receive honesty.

"I think, after a drink or two you'll lose your tough girl demeanor and be the fun girl I saw back in Spencers. The one I wanted to ask out, but couldn't because I was holding a pair of edible underwear. And then I think I'd like to take you out again." He said.

I take a moment to consider this. He's cute, probably looking for a booty call. I might be into it, given whatever day he happened to catch me on. I couldn't see any harm in leaving the door open.

"Let me see your cell phone." I tell him.

"Huh?" He asks.

"Let me see it, tough guy."

He hands me the phone from his pocket and I type my number in his contacts. I won't lie…I take a quick look through to make sure no one is listed under something like "baby" or "my lovely wife."

"There. I'm Bella. Maybe if you call, I'll be available." I say with a shrug.

"I'm Alec, and Bella? No ifs about it, I will call."

* * *

Saturday morning my alarm took me away from Barcelona. I was dreaming of eating tapas and learning all about Pablo Picasso. I'd visited the Fundació Joan Miró and seen that gorgeous artwork first hand. I could smell the turpentine on the paint easels from here…the distinct scent of clay sculpture. I wanted to view the colors with my own eyes, I wanted the entire essence to invade my senses; not just the dream my own mind had created for me.

I sat up in my bed and began my stretching routine when I heard a bang come from outside my window. Stumbling with sleep, I walked over to the window and peered out of the curtain.

"The hell…?" I mumbled, squinting my eyes to adjust to the light.

Emmett and Edward carry tables and chairs across the yard while Alice hammers in decorations to the trees. It was way too fucking early for this shit.

I thought about finishing my routine before going down there, but decided, fuck it. Wobbling down the stairwell in my pajamas and un-brushed hair, I made my way through the kitchen and into the backyard. The thud of the closing glass door caught their attention.

"Hey, it's Medusa." Edward grinned at me.

"Sup Marky-Mark?" I replied, referencing his ridiculous wife beater and backwards cap. "Funky bunch." I say, nodding towards to Emmett and Alice. "What the hell are you guys doing so early?" I ask.

"Setting everything up for the party! How does it look?" Alice asks.

"Um…" I take a look at all of their efforts. There are about ten tables crammed into my backyard with seating for eight at each. Strung from the trees are lines of white and pink crepe paper. It looked like an overpopulated baby shower.

"It looks…um, crowded. Sorry." I say biting my lip.

"See! I told you, Edward!" Alice wails.

"It's fine, Alice. We can't fit the chairs for everyone unless they're like this." Edward replies.

"Uh, pardon me for interrupting, but why are we doing this now again? Party doesn't start until three." I interrupt.

"E dragged me out of bed to go to a party rental place to pick up this shit. I'm getting it over with now so I can go back to bed before it's too late in the day." Emmett told me.

"He wouldn't have had to drag you out of bed if he'd remembered to order the tables in advance." Alice complained.

"Hey, fuck. I got them didn't I?" Edward said, running his fingers along his cap.

"Yes, _thank God_. But what if they hadn't had any left?" she huffed.

"I made sure I got there before they opened, didn't I? There was never a chance I wouldn't get them."

"But you _don't_ know…"

"Okay, okay, both of you stop it." I cut Alice off mid sentence. "I am not awake enough for this."

"Look, it's done now. It looks great. Let's just go back to my place and hang out." Edward told Alice.

"No, it looks _cluttered_, E. We have to fix it first. Bella, go sit in a chair so I can get a feeling for how it'll look once someone is at a table, please." She asks me with puppy dog eyes.

"Meh," I uttered, stumbling over to a seat in the center of a table and plopping my ass down.

"What do you think?" She said, turning to her boyfriend.

"Looks perfect. Bella is a vision." He replied, using my personal brand of monotone.

"Fuck you, buddy." I say.

"Okay, Emmett, go sit next to her…No, wait, you aren't the size of a normal person. Edward, join Bella." Alice instructs.

"How can I give you my opinion if I can't see the table 'cause I'm at it?" he asks.

"You've already given your opinion. You think it's _great_. I'm the one that isn't sure. Now go, sit."

Shaking his head, he comes over and sits in the chair besides mine. His elbow knocks into my arm.

"Sorry." He mumbles.

"I don't know…it looks like it could be cozy." She says, clicking her tongue.

I make a face as Edward's elbow hits me again.

"Ow." I mutter.

"Sorry."

"I just can't think of where else to put chairs…and the kids are small, so maybe if enough kids are at each table…" she mutters off, turning her head sideways to view us at another angle.

His elbow hits me again and I give him a look.

"Okay, seriously, Edward. You have the _boniest_ elbows of anyone I've ever met!" I say to him.

"You love my elbows." He replies, purposely rubbing his elbow against my skin.

"Stop it!" I yell.

"You love it." He continues to mash his elbow into my side as I shriek and push him away.

"Both of you knock it off!" Alice shouts.

I elbow Edward in the stomach hard and then stand up.

"Okay, enough." I say, out of breath. "Look, fact is, the chairs are too close together. No one is going to be comfortable in them…this is a barbeque, girl. Most people are going to be walking around. You think these bone heads are gonna be sitting? No, they'll be by the grill draining that cooler of Yuengling. Your college girl friends are going to be walking around judging each other's outfits and hair, and the only people really occupying these chairs are going to be our parents and Nana Cullen. Stop worrying about seating; it's going to be fine. Ditch two chairs from each table, and crepe paper, Alice? Really?" I tell her.

"We're on a budget…it was cheap." she replies.

"Stop fussing, this is supposed to be fun."

Her face scrunches angrily before she breaks into a smile. She comes over and hugs my shoulders.

"My life is always easier when you just tell me what to do so I don't have to think about it anymore." She says.

"Yeah, well, everyone's is." I reply.

"Yeah, Bella clearly makes the best decisions of anyone I know. I mean, look at that _hair_. A plus styling right there." Emmett chimes.

"Best I've ever seen." Edward agrees.

I simply give them the finger.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four **–_Dear Mama_

**BPOV**

I teased and combed and brushed and gelled then washed and dried and started my hair over again. It was not working for me today. Wisps of brown dancing over my head, laughing at my severe discontent; I frown at them.

I love my soft curls normally, but the frizz they've consorted with this afternoon, can die in a fire. Giving up on it, I decide to leave it down. I picked an ivory eyelet dress to wear for the party earlier this week. It fell to the knee, had solid short sleeves and a sheer center. If you looked hard enough, you could see the white of my undergarments but who could be bothered to care? No one would be looking that closely, anyway. Sliding it over my head, I glance at myself in the mirror. My breasts looked amazing, the rest of me…eh. My self esteem wasn't thriving today. It was so frustrating to be so bad at this shit. Three hours and I looked like I hadn't bothered to try at all. How did it come so easily to other girls? Why was I missing that gene? I stomp down the stairs and go to the banister to grab my black Uggs.

"Hunny, what _are_ you doing?" my mother calls from the living room.

"Crocheting a scarf, Mother. What are you doing?" I reply with an eye roll.

"Go get those cute white flats I bought you over the summer! They'll look adorable with that dress, baby."

"I'm gonna stick with the boots; it's cold out there." I tell her.

"Well, then go get a nice shawl to wear, we're going to have a house full of people, Bella, honestly." She replies.

"I don't own a shawl, Mother, I don't even know what a _shawl_ is."

"A nice sweater, _then_, Bella. Come on, hurry your butt up, people will be arriving soon." She tells me, patting my back side.

"It's the boots or a hoodie, Ma. That's all I have right now."

"A hoodie, Bella? You knew today was coming up; we've been planning for weeks! Why would you not be more prepared?" She says, wearing her aggravation in the creases of her skin.

"…I was prepared…with my boots." I say.

She scoffs.

"I don't understand how you can be so irresponsible sometimes, Bella."

"How am I irresponsible, Mom?" I ask incredulously.

"You know the whole family is coming today, you know the entire Cullen family will be here today. This is important to Alice and Edward; you should be dressed appropriately."

"Sorry I didn't think to buy a ball gown and a shawl, mother."

"That attitude of yours has got to go, Bella. I give up; I don't know what to do with you. I really don't." She says, raising her arms in the air and walking off. "So stubborn that, girl" she mutters as she walks.

"Maybe just let me be myself…" I mumble, slipping my feet inside the velvet warmth. We live in the pacific northwest. Everyone understands the need for boots…

I walk into the kitchen where Edward is standing in front of the refridge, pulling things out for the barbeque. His hair shines with the presence of gel coiffed high on his head, his shirt is crisp and white and his gray slacks fall in just the right spot with the ever important crease. Alice has gotten to him. He could never dress like that on his own.

I squeeze my body between his and the icebox to pull out some orange juice.

"Hey…nice boots." He snarks.

Really, though?!

"Did I ask for your opinion?" I reply, stone faced.

"Do you ever?"

"No, so how about you stop fucking sharing it with me?" I say, walking out of the kitchen.

"Hey…" he says, grabbing my arm so that I can't go any further. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing, I just don't get why you have to give me such a hard time about every goddamned thing I do today." I say.

"…What'd I give you a hard time about?" he asks, looking dumbfounded.

"Gee, I don't know. My hair, my footwear. I'm sorry I don't live up to your expectations. Let go of my arm." I say.

He gently eases his long fingers from my burning hot skin.

"Bella…" he says gently. "What the fuck are you talking about? I was joking, the way we _always_ joke."

"Well it isn't funny, okay?" I tell him crossing my arms.

He leans his back against the wall. His hips are jutted forward and his arms criss-cross against his own chest now. He's a page in a fucking catalogue. He should be wearing nude lipstick.

"What's going on?" he asks.

"What?" I reply.

"You heard me. _This_," he says, waving an arm at me, "isn't you. Talk to me."

"I don't want to talk to you." I tell him.

"Talk to me." He repeats.

"Choke on a chode." I reply.

"Bella, you have three seconds…"

"Or what?" I ask.

"Two…"

I huff.

"Alright…" he says before scooping his arms under my ass and lifting me up into his arms.

"What the fuck?! Let me go, Edward." I yelp.

"Nope."

"Seriously, let fucking go." I complain.

He carries me upstairs and into my bedroom. He tosses me onto my bed and then abruptly starts to remove his tie.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask, worrying that I'm about to get the Magic Mike experience from _Edward_.

He tosses the tie to the ground and then walks closer to the bed.

"There. Now it's just us, no tie, no pretenses; away from that cluster fuck downstairs. Just Edward and Bella. Now _fuckin…_ talk to me."

He sits next to me and I sigh.

"Idontwanna" I mumble.

He puts his arm around my shoulders, offering me comfort that I probably don't deserve. I'm being a bitch.

"Damn it, Edward." I sigh.

"I love you trulllly" he starts to sing god-awfully.

"Oh, God, no. Not Perry Cuomo. Don't…don't do that." I complain, my face morphing into sheer horror, and amusement all at once.

"Trullly, my dear…"

I can't help but laugh. He sucks at singing, and he knows it. I swear if I listen hard enough I can hear dogs howling in the distance.

"Okay, okay. You made me laugh, you can quit it now." I tell him.

"You ready to talk?" he asks.

"I guess." I sigh. "So…I just spent a shit load of time getting ready this morning. I don't know why, I guess I just wanted to feel pretty you know? And then when I went downstairs my mother gave me shit for not looking how she wanted me to look, but I fucking tried okay? I can't be as perfectly dressed as Alice and my hair isn't ever going to fall the way that Rosalie's does. I don't care; and I don't fucking care what other people think but…when that woman starts in on me? It just eats at me because I try so hard and she's never satisfied! Ever! And why the fuck am I telling you about this? You don't get it; you're a _boy_. You've never had to prove anything to Esme, she just _accepts_ you. You don't have to try and live up to the pretty girls that show up to your house and make your mother wonder 'what if' the way that I do. You've probably never even had to try with her! It's not fair." I rant in one breath.

"You feel better now?" he asks, and my shoulders drop. If that's all the wisdom he's going to impart, he can shove a sock in it, regurgitate it, and shove it back in.

"Wow, Edward. Thanks. You're a man of _so_ many words." I sigh and turn away looking to get up.

"Do you?" he asks again, holding my hands down.

"No. Not really." I reply.

He grabs my chin and makes me look at his face.

"Then listen to me for a minute. No, your hair doesn't look like Rosalie's, and your clothes are very different from Alice's, but Bella? You're beautiful." He pauses for a moment before adding, "Come on, would I hang out with you if you weren't?" He says the last part with a smile, like it's cute or something.

It's not.

"Don't say things you don't mean just to make me feel better okay? It's just going to make me feel worse and really? I'm not into it, Edward." I tell him.

"Bella." He repeats, with a sigh.

"What?" I ask, annoyed.

"You are beautiful. Do I look like I'm lying? I'm staring right at you."

I sigh at glance at him. His eyes don't blink, or look away. When he looks at me, I feel like I've been seen. I feel myself dive deep into his bright green orbs. Those eyes could swallow me whole and I'd still come out more than I came in as. In his eyes, I want to believe that I am beautiful…I want to stop caring what anyone else thinks, even my mother. He's right; with him there are no pretenses. I could walk around him without brushing my hair, and while he might joke about it, he didn't really give a shit either way. I've never had to be someone I wasn't. He gave me courage; he gave me strength. What on earth would I ever do without him in my life?

"Thanks, Edward. Sorry for being such a girl." I wrap my arms around his stomach and squeeze him tightly. He smells good today.

"Nah, you're good. If the party sucks, we'll just come hide out up here, okay?" he tells me.

"But you can't leave the party, it's _your's_." I laugh lightly.

"Eh, fuck it. Doesn't matter. Alice will be too busy entertaining to notice we're gone, and our families will understand. I don't really give a fuck about anyone else down there, do you?"

I shake my head no.

"Okay, so we have a deal?" He asks.

I nod.

"Excellent. Come on, snake haired big-boots. Let's go make an appearance." He tells me, standing and grabbing my hand to lift me up.

"Sure. By the way, when _did_ you step out of a Macy's catalogue? Your gay is totally showing." I reply, walking with him downstairs.

"I can totally see your panties." He says.

Yep, I feel better.

* * *

"Hi, my name is Bella, would you care for a beverage?" I put on my cheesiest smile, flipping my hair as I lift the heavy tray over to my best boys.

"What the fuck?" Jacob laughs at me.

I drop the tray on the table and pop a squat.

"My mother told me that I needed to pass out drinks in order for people to access that my boots served a function other than warmth. I brought them to you. Tada! I passed them out." I say, waving to the tray sitting on the table.

"What's wrong with the boots? It's a bitchin' look." Jasper shares.

"I'm sayin'! Whatever. I wish I could get wasted at this thing." I tell them.

"So why don't you? I have some herb back in the Toyota. This thing would be a lot more fun if we were blazed." Jasper tells me.

"Are you kidding? My parents would smell that on me a mile away, no thank you. You guys go ahead, if you want to." I say.

"Nah, we go in sober together, we come out sober together." Jake tells me.

"Thanks…" I sigh, running my fingers through my hair.

The yard is packed and I recognize maybe half the people here. Alice is a million smiles. She clings to Edward's arm like a flea to a hound; he clings to his beer just the same. Esme enters through the fence and Alice lets out a high pitched squeal.

"Mae-Mae!" she shouts, using my family's nickname for her.

When Esme and my mother, Renee became besties, they opted to call each other Mae-Mae and Nae-Nae respectfully. It stuck. Emmett and I only knew Esme as Mae-Mae. I wasn't crazy about hearing someone else use it, even if it was Alice.

"Hello Sweetheart." I heard her reply before they hugged.

"How long do we have to stay here?" Jacob asks me.

"I have to stay the whole time. You do what you want to do." I say.

"I think I will" he says.

He climbs from his seat and heads over to the boom box. Changing the station from the elegant jazz Alice had chose, the Beastie Boys comes screaming through the speakers. I smirk like the Cheshire cat.

He makes his way back over to me and sticks his hand out.

"Come on, we're dancing." He says.

"You know my mom's gonna kill you right? And if she doesn't, Alice will." I say.

"Don't fucking care. Get your ass up." He grabs my arm and pulls me from my chair. We twirl, head bang and jump all over the plywood dance floor the boys laid down this morning. People might stare a little, but we don't mind. This is a party; this is what fun looks like. Friends that stick by you, who make sure you have fun even when you don't want to. Jasper has disappeared behind a tree. I know he's smoking. It's a bad idea. He only has two brain cells left as it is.

Out of breath, we separate and I make my way to the grill to get dinner. Thoroughly exhausted, all I want to do is sit and eat.

"Hey Hunny," Esme says, coming over to rub my shoulders.

"Hey Mae, you having fun?" I ask.

"Of course, dear. You look lovely." She tells me.

"Thank you," I smile.

"So, you gonna tell me about that boy over there?" She says, pointing her chin to Jacob.

I start to squirt ketchup on my hotdog before laughing.

"Jake? It's not like that, I promise."

"He seems to make you smile." She tells me.

"He's a good friend. That's where it ends though, swear."

"If you say so." She tells me.

"I do. And he'd agree." I tell her.

"You will tell me when you do get a boyfriend, won't you? I know your mom is always pressuring you, but you know I'm here right?" she tells me.

"I'll call you first, okay? Enjoy the party." I tell her, walking back towards my table.

I take a big bite of my hotdoggy goodness and moan to myself. I'm fucking famished.

"Bella, dear!" My mother calls from behind me. My shoulders fall. I turn to face her, chewing as discreetly as I can.

"Bella, my darling, I wanted you to meet Eric. Eric, this is my lovely daughter. Bella, say hi."

"Hi." I say, monotone muffled with food in my mouth.

"Eric went to college with Edward, hunny. Isn't that nice?"

"Positively neato, Mom." I say.

"Well, I'll just leave you two to get to know each other…" she says before walking off slowly.

"So, Bella, what is it that you do?" he asks, rocking on his heels nervously. God, he's a wang. His eyebrows are out of control, his hair is combed over and his pants are three inches too short. I am _not_ interested, hunny.

"I skin ponies." I tell him.

"I'm sorry?" he asks.

"Yeah, like, to make boots and stuff? I skin dead animals to make clothing and then I sell the carcasses to glue factories. If you'll excuse me." I walk off and take another bite of my lunch.

Fucking set ups; I loathe thee.

I make my way back into my seat and plop down. As I'm about to take another bite, Alice's voice shouts out across the yard.

"Can I have everyone's attention please?"

The crowds grow quiet and all I can hear is the sound of my teeth. Gross.

"Edward and I want to thank you all for coming out today. It means so much to us for you all to be here." She states.

"Woo! Alice!" some drunken idiot shouts.

She giggles in response.

"Two years is a long time to be with someone, but we've never been happier!" she smiles. His eyebrow twitches slightly on the left side. Most people wouldn't have caught that, but I did.

"Yeah, Edward!" different drunken idiot, same dumbass shout.

"And we'd like to propose a toast…Belllaaaa, where are you?"

I cough on my hotdog.

"Stand up, hunny, so we all can see you!" she says.

Jake stifles his laughter behind his hand while I give him my best attempt of death-ray vision because everyone will notice if I shove my middle finger up at him.

Casually I stand trying to swallow.

"Two years ago, Edward and I were just trying to find our way, when this girl told me her brother was visiting her at college. Imagine my surprise when not one, but two guys showed up on our doorstep? 'Why don't you guys hang out?' she asked us, and the rest, as they say is history. We owe Bella a lot, so everyone please raise your glasses. To Bella!"

Fucking kill me, please.

"To Bella!" glasses clink and I try to shrink back into my chair.

"No, you don't! Get up here and give us a hug!" Alice calls.

I grouch my way onto the plywood and hug Alice. When I make my way to Edward, I give him the stink eye.

"I fucking hate you." I mumble into his shoulder. His musical chuckle invades my ears.

And then everything goes quiet.

No music, no laughter, no sounds of drunken sorority girls chitterchattering.

You ever had that moment, where the world stood still?

"Mom!" I hear myself scream before I know my lips have moved.

My mother is on the ground and she isn't moving.

I run as fast as I can to get to her. I feel Edward follow.

He lifts his arm behind her back and raises her upper body.

"Mom!" I say, kneeling besides her.

Her eyes drape open, dull, lifeless; muddy brown. She gives a shake of her head before exhaling deeply.

"Nae, are you alright?" Edward asks gently.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm just fine and dandy. Just a bit of a dizzy spell. Don't you all worry about me."

He helps lift her from the ground and I start shaking off the dirt from her clothes as quickly as I can. She'd be appalled at herself if she knew it were there.

"Mom?" Emmett mumbles.

"I'm fine dear. Everyone stop fussing over me!"

Edward lets go of her and her feet stumble. Quickly, he recaptures her.

"Let me help you inside, Nae Nae. It's been a busy day, I'm sure you just need some rest." He tells her.

She grasps his arm and lets him help her into the house. Charlie gets the door and ushers them both inside.

I turn to look at all the party goers. They just stare like they just caught the tail end of a great fucking movie on Lifetime. Fuck them with a long rubbery dildo.

"What are you all looking at!? God." I stomp into the house myself and feel Emmett come inside also. He storms off to his room. I follow his lead and do the same.

* * *

I stay in my room for some time; just thinking. I try to deny her cancer; she's going to be fine. I know she is…but right now, as she suffers and eats color coated poison in pill format…the only thought I can conjure up is that _I don't want my Mommy to be sick._

My door knob turns, and Alice walks in. She sits beside me quietly.

"So…I guess today didn't turn out how we planned, huh?" she asks.

"Sorry your party sucked, Alice." I tell her.

"That's not what I meant." She said.

"Sorry my mother ruined your party, then, Alice." I tell her.

"You _know_ that's not what I meant either, Bella. I love her too." She says.

I sigh. I've been taking shit out on people all day. It's not right.

"No, you're right. I'm sorry. Today just sucks." I say.

"It does. You gonna be okay?" she asks.

"You know me. I'll be fine." I tell her.

"I'm gonna go home. Call if you need anything." She says.

"Thanks."

Once she's gone, I wander my way out back. The remnants of the party remain; beer cans litter the grass, garbage bags tied to trees are full to the brim and all decorations remain: the tables, the chairs….that fucking crepe paper. So fucking cheerful. Fucking mocking me.

I climb onto the old picnic table and put my head in my hands. The tears fall before I can stop them. I _cannot_ handle this.

I hear the sliding door open and I quickly wipe my face and try to swallow my emotion.

Edward climbs the table next to me.

"I'm gonna stay the night, just so you know." He says, stoically.

"If you want." I say.

"I want." He replies.

We sit there in silence for a minute before I burst out in hysterics again. His arms circle me.

"I've got you."

"I'm sorry…" I mumble. "For everything."

"Shh" he utters.

"You really do deserve to get laid, you know?" I laugh lightly.

"I keep sayin'!" he laughs.

We rock gently to the sway of the wind and I feel safer, knowing he'll be with us tonight.

* * *

**AN:** _I know, I know. This chapter had a lot of filler...I am sorry for that, but its time to meet a few new characters and get the ball rolling on some things. I hope you'll stay with me. As always, thank you for reading; I hope you'll drop me a review!_

_Before I go, I'd like to quickly respond to an anonymous review I got (since I can't respond directly.) Haven't you ever thought something was better than it was? The discontent in Edward and Alice's relationship isn't about sex…their sexual difficulties stem from less obvious troubles. Alice is guarded with Edward, not-free to be herself. Edward feels that Alice did him a major service (one we'll learn more about later) so he has placed her on a pedestal of sorts. The problematic sex is symptomatic of the fact that things just aren't working. As for Bella and Edward…well, they've spent so much time being so familiar to each other that they've never dared think of something else being there. Introducing a new aspect to their relationship will change it forever (and really, how could it not?) I could never promise that these characters won't do things that make them assholes, hell, they'll tell each other that their assholes more often than a reader of mine ever could, but I can promise a HEA down the road of pot holes and cracked pavement. If you'll give it a shot, I hope you'll find its justice._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5** – _Locked Out of Heaven_

**BPOV**

Gathering up my mother's pill box, I grab an old tray that had once belonged to my grandmother. We rarely pulled it out to use; it was antique, ceramic and heavy, but today called for breaking it out. Mom had been consigned to her bedroom until her strength returned and I thought that a little piece of her own mother sitting beside her might help to raise her spirit. Fucking Chemo.

On the hefty tray, next to the pill box, I place an Evian straight from the icebox so that it will still have a chill by the time she drinks it. Spooning some fresh, hot cinnamon flavored oatmeal from the stove top into a thermos, I make my way upstairs. Her bedroom is cold; void of her laughter and normal lofting about. Instead, she rests peacefully in her bed covered in blanket. I place the tray on her nightstand and kiss her forehead. Her pale skin doesn't faze me, this is all so temporary.

"Mom," I say, "I have to go to work. I left you some oatmeal. I'll have my phone if you need anything."

"Mmkay, dear. Have a lovely day, stay out of trouble." She slurs raising her palm to tap my hand.

"Always do."

I make my way back down the stairs and wash the breakfast dishes. I realign the orange bottles of poison to their original positions and slide on my coat. Quiet mornings are the worst.

* * *

I could never understand people who didn't like books. You could live three different lives a day, simply by picking up a novel. I'd world traveled within these walls. Visited Russia with Tolstoy, Spain with Carlos Ruiz Zafon, and England with Jane Austen. The scent of worn paper and gathered dust made me a little bit more of who I was. It brought to me crisp green grass from Ireland and the feel of damp cement towers from London. Things I could otherwise never have in the 'burbs of Seattle.

The only thing worse than quiet mornings, perhaps, is quiet libraries. Monday mornings are always deadly silent. The only people who ever bother to come in are the fucking slackers that couldn't be concerned enough to complete whatever paper they had due for the morning. With all books returned to their alphabetical spot in their categorized shelving, I have nothing to do other than pick at my chipping nail polish.

I break off a particularly large slab of purple lacquer when I hear the distinct sound of feminine laughter. Soft and muffled, I figure I've finally got a customer. Peering my head forward to glance at historical referencing, I can see nothing out of place. Shrugging my shoulders, I lean back into my chair. She can find me when she's ready. I'm comfortable, sitting in my soft cotton sweater. The new one I've bought; the one that would appease my mother, had she been awake enough to see it. The laughter comes again, louder this time and I sigh. I was perfectly happy to sit on my ass today and watch the time go by.

Walking down the aisles, I find a couple. Young, she's cute and blonde. He's dumb and _clearly_ horny. His hand rests beneath her skirt, her mouth pressed to his shoulder. Her breath is shallow; his grin has never been so wide.

"Ahem." I utter.

They break apart quickly and her face goes scarlet. She was not anticipating getting caught.

"Sorry, uh, we were just kissing…" he stutters.

"Kissing. Right. With your fingers and her vagina." I say.

"Uh, uh…" he continues to stutter.

"Relax, kid." I start, "I'm _not_ your Mother; I really don't give a shit. But we have cameras in here and if my boss sees this going on, it's gonna be my ass on the line. So just go home, and continue… _kissing_ or whatever it is you're doing _there_ and stop mating in front of my books, okay?"

"Yes, yes. Of course, whatever you say, Ma'am." He replies. Had the nerve to call me _Ma'am_. Grabbing her hand, they scrambled out of there as if their asses were on fire. I couldn't help but laugh a little. They were good kids looking to have a little fun in a library…who hadn't been in a similar situation before? And, it was sweet how he took up for her, knowing how embarrassed she must have been.

Their encounter wasn't the first I'd caught in these walls. The college co-eds around here often got frisky while reading Oscar Wilde or Lewis Carroll…God only knows why. It was unlikely that they'd be the last that I'd find doing it in the shelves, and that…well, it did give me an idea; and it was fucking brilliant.

* * *

"Afternoon, Carlisle." I say walking into the Cullen house.

"Bella! What brings you by?" he asks.

"Dropping something off for Edward. Emmett said he asked to borrow it." I said lifting the plastic bag I'm carrying.

"Oh, sure thing sweetie. He's upstairs."

I shuffle my feet over to their stairwell and hurry on up. Swinging open Edward's door without a care in the world, I see him sitting at his desk, glasses hung on his nose.

"Edwardddd, I brought you a presentttt." I sing.

"Wouldn't happen to be a doorbell, would it?" he asks.

"_Why_ would I bring you a doorbell?" I ask, confused.

"So people like you would know better than to just barge into someone's room uninvited."

"Ha. Ha. It's not like I'm gonna walk in and see any action going on up in here." I sass. He casually gives me the finger.

I toss the bag onto his bed and then sit down. "What are you doing anyway? You look like a geek." I ask.

"Writing up a lesson plan for tomorrow." He replies.

Edward was a TA. He'd gone to college to become a high school teacher, but recent cutbacks had made getting a job all but impossible. He could only assist for now, but as soon as there was an opening, he was first in line. Sucky, seeing as how he'd make a phenom teacher, but like my mother's illness; this was temporary.

"They let you do that? I thought your job was to sit in the corner and observe old man Flannigan while the fourteen year olds peer back and giggle 'oh, Mr. Cullen is sooo hawt." I dramatize.

"Bella," he grunts. "Cut the shit. I'm workin', here. What do you want?" he grouches.

"Fine, be douchie von douche, then. I brought this for you, so open your present." I say, handing him the shopping bag.

He pulls the DVD case from the bag and scrunches his eyebrows.

"Skyfall? Uhh, cool, Bell. Thanks." He says.

"No, no, no. Pay no attention to the outside case; that's not the present! It's what's inside of it!" I tell him bouncing on his bed, wearing a smile.

"Looks like a blank disc?" He asks, flipping it open.

"It's not blank, it's porn!" I exclaim.

He coughs and chucks it on the bed by me quickly.

"Jesus Christ, Bella." He chokes on his own saliva.

"I know, right!?"

He takes a moment to pull at his collar.

"I'm not _that_ hard up that I can't find my own porn, B. I don't need your skittle diddle remix."

"It's not _mine_. And stop acting so affronted! It's not for you; well, I mean, it's not _technically _for you. See I got to thinking today, right? And I had the most amazing idea ever." I start.

"Oh God," he mutters running his fingers through his hair.

"No, I'm serious, just listen! Okay so you've been looking at this whole thing like a boy, which I get, seeing as how you have a dick and all."

"Fuckin', shoot me, this woman..." He continues muttering to himself.

"But women are a different species from men entirely; at _least_ when it comes to sex. You, for example, probably see a naked girl and you're ready to go, right? But women are more…intellectual. We need foreplay, we need _story_. We need to be taken up against a library shelf while _Viktor_ the night librarian is asleep at the front desk! So, that's when it came to me; all we really need to do to get Alice in the mood is to get her to watch a little soft core. She'll melt and be all over you. It almost can't fail."

"Soft core?! You bring me porn, and it's not even porn with penetration?!" he bemoans, crushing his big palm against his forehead.

"Shut up, I told you it's not for _YOU_, remember?! The idea is for her to see it, get horny, _and the resulting sex_ is for _you_, you butthead. You're welcome." I raise my shoulders and smile with my nose.

"I thought you were going to _talk_ to her." He says.

"Oh, God, tried that. Total disaster. This will work though!" I exclaim.

"You always have the worst fucking ideas ever, Bella." He says, lifting from his chair to lie down on the bed.

"Excuse you, but your face is always the worst fucking idea ever; _this_ idea is fucking brilliant." I reply.

"And how the hell am I supposed to get her to watch this? I can't even get her to leave the light on when I touch her, I'm supposed to spring 'let's watch porn!' on her with better results?" He tosses his glasses on his end table and strokes his palms against the rough four o'clock shadow of his jaw.

I twist my body to face him.

"_That_, my dearest, is what the case is for. You invite her over for movie night; you tell her Emmett got the new Bond film and you asked to borrow it. It's the perfect movie because she thinks Daniel Craig is hot and boys like that action shit, so there is something for everyone, yadda yadda. Anyway, she comes here, and you're both sitting right here on this very bed. You open the DVD case, you slip the disc into the player and it starts out like any other movie. At first she'll wonder why the characters don't look familiar, so go along with it; 'they're extras…it must be building to some gigantic opening scene'. Then, the star crossed lovers will bump into each other alone, and it'll start to get hot. They'll steal an unwarranted kiss, and her cheeks will turn pink like it does when she watches those Spanish soap-operas that really suck. You'll stay close by, your body heat reminding her of your presence; that you're _so_ close. They'll start to fuck, and she won't be able to help herself. She'll climb on top of you just like this." As I say this, I demonstrate by sliding onto his lap and straddling his hips. "Her body will take on a mind of its own, and she'll start to grind on you, just like this," I demonstrate this as well. "And then one thing will lead to another and…" And then…

Oh my. He was finishing my story for me.

"Oh my God," I giggle softly. "Edward, did you just get a _boner_?" I ask.

"What?! No." he tells me, shifting into an upright position.

No my ass. His dick was rock solid.

"No, wait, really? That's really all it took? He's so sensitive…" I remark, completely intrigued. I've fooled around with a good number of guys, but few have gone from zero to sprung with _that_ little stimulation. He probably still has the stamina of a high school boy.

"Impressive package you got there, little buddie…" I say grinding back down, talking into his lap, feeling _him_ pressed against _me_. He surprisingly feels kind of nice nestled between my legs. This is fun; I like it.

"Okay, that's enough, Bella." He tells me, lifting me off by grabbing my hips and placing me back onto the bed besides him. I squeal in response.

"Thank you, thank you for the gift. I have a lot of work to do, you can go now." He tells me hiding his face by looking to the side.

"Aww, don't be embarrassed. It seems like you have a nice dick," I shrug.

"Oh my God," he mumbles rushing off the bed and towards the door.

"We'll can work with that and get you laid, I totally promise!" I continue.

"Have a nice day, Bella." He says, ushering to the exit.

"Jeez, now _who's_ the prude?" I say getting up and walking out.

He shuts the door behind me.

"Call me and let me know how it goes!" I shout.

"Bye!" he shouts back.

I giggle all the way home.

* * *

"Really though, Alice? A unitard?" I ask as she approaches me.

I've been trying to get Alice to take a yoga class with me for weeks. After hemming and hawing over her oh-so-busy schedule of lounging around and taking naps, we're finally meeting in front of the _Danser Avec Moi_ studio to watch Monsieur Jacques work his flexibility magic.

"I don't know what you wear to these things! I just thought this was cute." She says, brushing at her skin tight spandex. She bedazzled the shoulders.

"This isn't a ballet class, _Beyonce_, it's yoga. Basic workout gear." I gesture to my own attire of knee length runners and a simple tank top.

"Hey, I'm here, aren't I? Be grateful, Bia." She flips her hair back with her hands, looking affronted.

"You might want to tie back the mane. You're going to be sweating." I say, opening the door to walk inside.

"Um…gross." She responds.

We go inside and I'm astounded by how beautiful the studio is. It's been designed for dancers so the walls are entirely mirrored and the floor is a slick oak. A boom box rests on a small snack table in the corner playing gentle sounds of water trickling and frogs chirping.

Women fill the empty space, casually chatting waiting for class to begin. Alice and I find an empty spot amongst them to claim as our own.

He walks in so lithe and smooth.

"Hello all, and welcome to my class. I am Monsieur Jacques," he said, gesturing to himself. "I have been a practicing yogi for the past twenty years. I have developed my muscles to move in however way I wish; if you put in the work, I can teach you to do the same. This is my life and I will do my best to show you the way. Please place down your yoga mats and get ready to stretch."

"Uh, Bella, I didn't bring…" Alice stage whispers.

I toss her the extra mat that I brought along for her.

Rolling mine out, I notice how thin Monsieur Jacques actually is. Tall and long. His head is shaved to a dusting of black hair and his beard to a pencil goatee. If he had a beret he'd be such a stereotype.

"Okay, ladies. To begin I'll have you all stand up straight. Sway your arms from side to side, feel for that tightness in your backs, find it, hone in on it. Say _goodbye_ to it because it is not going home with you!" He walks around looking at each woman's individual form. "Good, good." He mutters to a few. He places his palms on a few girls' waists to adjust them correctly.

"Now, sway those hips, side to side, find that tension ladies."

He approaches me and Alice and I'm so worried he'll have to adjust my stance. I sway my hips like never before.

"I see we've got a fashionista amongst us, girls. Work it, hunny." he tells Alice with approval.

"Thanks, my friend didn't like it." she giggles.

"You must have better taste than your friend. Sway those hips ladies."

I roll my eyes. Even when she does something stupid she receives praise.

He looks at my stance for a moment. "Good, good." is all he says. Alice is all smiles.

Oh, yeah. I've found my tension.

"Bella! He liked the unitard!" she whispers.

"Yeah, I heard. Great Al." I reply.

I can barely remember why I even wanted to come.

Somewhere between fire log pose and locust pose, Alice starts grunting.

"This sucks," she moans.

"You just need to build up your stamina, girl." I tell her.

"Why are we doing this again?" she complains.

"Because it's centering." I reply.

"Centering my ass! This fucking hurts." She whines.

"You could probably use the flexibility. Just breathe and go somewhere else." I tell her.

"I can leave?" she asks.

"I meant mentally, Alice." I grit. "Think of a waterfall, or a beach, or whatever the fuck makes you happy."

"Okay…" she takes a deep breath. "I'm in Miami, drinking a mai tai with my husband, and watching our children build a sand castle." She tells me.

"You're supposed to go there internally, Alice. Not orally." I sigh.

"Ugh, can you _not_ say that word to me? Blech." She groans.

"Internal?" I ask.

"No, the…_other_ one."

"Oral?" I ask.

"Shh!"

"What's your issue? I don't get it."

Glancing around at the women on either side of me, she lowers her voice.

"Edward asked me to."

"He asked you to what? Suck his dick?" I ask.

"Oh my goodness, be quiet about it Bella!" she replies.

"Sorry… I don't see the problem. Did you?"

"No! God, I don't understand what's going on with everyone lately! It's all anyone is talking about!" she exclaims.

I shift my position into upward facing dog.

"Everyone is talking about giving head?" I deadpan.

"_No_, they're talking about sex. I'm so sick of hearing about it." She whispers.

"Alice," I start thoughtfully. "Is it that you don't _like_ sex? Is Edward like, really bad at it?"

"_No_, no. It's not that. He's…great. I just… look, when I was a little girl, my father asked me to promise to him and to _God_ that I'd save myself for marriage. And, I always thought that I _would._ So when I got to high school, met that asshole James, and all of that went out the window...I just… I thought he was the one and he wasn't, and Edward certainly isn't rushing to propose to me, so sleeping with men I'm not for sure going to marry feels shitty. Makes me feel like a shitty person and I'm not gonna talk about it like it's rainbows and sunshine because it's really not." She tells me.

"Every father wants to believe their little girls are going to be sweet and virginal until they die or get married, Alice; but they all know that it's more or less bullshit. They don't actually anticipate it happening, they just prefer being ignorant to it. I can personally assure you that my dad doesn't want to know…"

"Your dad isn't dead, Bella." Alice cuts me off.

"True, but it doesn't matter. Your dad would want you to be happy; to enjoy your life seeing as how _you're_ still _here_."

"I just don't need to go about disrespecting him like that okay? It's bad enough that I do it at all. Let alone the things Edward _wants_ me to do. You know he tried to make me watch porn the other night?!"

Uh. Oops.

"Did he?" I tread lightly.

"Yeah," she scoffs. "Like I'm going to have sex with him while he watches some big titted girl on the screen get off instead of watching me. No thanks."

"I don't think that's the point…" I say.

"And then, he asks if I'll 'give him a little relief' in the form of a blowjob!"

"Look, Alice…" I sigh. "It'd be one thing if you want to be a good girl and not have sex at all. I'd get that, and totally respect it. But you _are_ sexually active! You're young, beautiful and in love. So if you're going to have sex, and if you're going to sin anyway, why not enjoy it thoroughly?! Why hold yourself back? If it's a sin, it's a sin no matter how you do it. Live your life, lady."

"Huh," she mutters. "You know, you have a point. I don't know why I never thought of it like that before… Thanks, Bella. I think I know what I'm going to do." She smiles, looking resolute and at peace.

"Anytime" I smile.

See? Yoga _is_ centering.

* * *

I go home feeling satisfied. My body is sore, and my brain feels fed. I'm pretty sure I've liberated Alice. I go to the kitchen and make myself lunch and spend the rest of the evening hanging out with Emmett and Rosalie on the couch. Evening comes to quick and I bid the day adieu. I'm so anxious for the warmth of my bed.

As Emmett is kissing Rosalie goodbye, I notice Edward's car pull into our driveway. It's strange… he doesn't usually come by so late on a school night.

Storming passed Emmett, he barrels inside colored with anger. What the hell happened to him?

"Bella!?" he shouts.

"Yeah?" I say, standing from my spot in the living room.

"What did you do!?" He asks.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"You just never know when to leave things alone, do you?" He's tugging at his hair, pacing. I have _no_ idea what the fuck is wrong.

"Edward, what the fuck are you talking about?" I ask again.

"Alice! Every idea you've had has been worse than the last, but this one, it takes the cake." he tells me.

"Okay, so I know the video thing didn't work, but…" I start.

"Fuck the video! What did you say to her today?" he asks.

"I don't know…I didn't say anything, what is your fucking problem, dickwad?!"

"My problem is, Bella, you have her convinced that she shouldn't ever have sex again until she's fucking married." He says.

"Ouch, you cock blocked him, Bell?" Emmett interjects.

"No, I didn't," I tell Emmett. "I didn't!" I tell Edward, turning towards him.

"She called me up tonight with this speech about how you made her see the light about how she's fucking sinning, Bella. I'm done with your ridiculous schemes for good this time. You need to stay out of my business; you're just making everything worse!"

"That's not what I said! I was encouraging her! To be with you, you stupid fucking asshole!" I shout.

"Well, stop encouraging! Just stop fucking talking all together Bella!" he shouts back.

"Fuck you, Edward, you know that? You're a dick. Fuck you." I cross my arms. All I've done is try and help this selfish mother fucker.

"You know what? This isn't even your fault. It's mine." He sighs and slinks down into the couch.

"Damn right it's not my fault." I huff.

"Sounds like it's your fault…" Emmett interjects.

"Shut up, Emmett." I say.

"She is who she is, there's no changing that. Why I thought I could make this work…" he exhales, talking more or less to himself.

"You can," I say.

"No, Bella, I don't think I can." He takes a deep breath. "Sorry for yelling at you like that. I just…" he exhales.

"You guys can't break up." I say, sinking next to him. "It'll reflect badly on me," I try to lighten up the situation by nudging his arm and smiling lightly.

"I'm really sorry, Bell." He wraps his arms around my head and pulls me into an awkwardly uncomfortable for me, hug.

Alice is going to be devastated.

It really is all my fault. If I could have just kept my mouth shut...

I _have_ to fix this.

I _will_ fix this.

* * *

**AN:** _No good can come from this... __Thank you for reading!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Happy Wednesday Everybody!**

* * *

**Chapter 6** – _The Oral Transaction_

**BPOV**

Edward spent the night that night, curled up on our couch, the television dimly lighting our downstairs. I'd avoided him entirely by reading a novel in my bedroom. But when I came home from work the next day, he was still there. Still on the couch, even. He hadn't showered, and he hadn't shaved. He looked drunk and depressed. He spent the night again wearing the same clothes.

After that, he went home just long enough to pack and bring over a suitcase. And he continued to spend the night on our couch; quietly in the background noise of our home. Around day six, I'd had enough. I was fairly certain his job had had enough too. It was time to get back to life; back to reality. Insert Soul II Soul nineties song, here.

Seeing him laying down, arm draped over his face and shirtless chest exposed I plopped down on his stomach. It was time to rouse him from his moping position on the couch.

"Fucking. Ow, Bella." He grumbled.

"You're starting to shed, Edward." I reply, bouncing around lightly.

"Knock it off before I puke on you." He raises my hips and slides me down his legs. "Just leave me alone, okay?" he asks.

"Can't do that. If you wanted to be left alone, you would be at your house right now, but you're here. This tells me that you definitely want company. Fortunately for you, I don't have plans right now." I smile.

"You never have plans, Bella." He turns his body slightly to the side, shuffling me from my position on his legs in the process. I grasp his knees so that I don't fall.

"Sure I do. As a matter of fact, I happen to have a date tomorrow night." I say.

"You? A date? With who?" He asks.

"Oh this guy named Alec. I met him while holding a vibrator…it's kind of a long story." I say, looking down and playing with the ends of my hair.

Alec had called me three days ago.

"_Hello?" I said answering my phone._

"_Hi… So, funny story, but about a week ago, I met this really cute girl in a very precarious situation and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since." He replied._

"_Alec." I say._

"_Hi Bella." He sang, with a smile in his voice._

"_For someone who couldn't stop thinking about me, you sure took your sweet time calling." I reply._

"_Hey, my brother just got married. I had many best manly duties to fulfill before my time was free."_

"_Best manly duties, eh? Like spiking the punch, showing up hung over and screwing a bridesmaid?" I ask._

"_Let me think for a second…Hmm, nope. Not the bridesmaid. No clichés this time around. Maybe I'll get luckier next wedding." _

"_Good luck with that," I reply._

"_Hopefully I won't need it. Come have a drink with me, and I'll put all my bridesmaid banging aspirations on hold." He says._

"_That's sweet, Alec, but I'm going to have to pass." I say._

"_Aw, come on. You're breakin' my heart, why not?" He asks._

"_Uh, I don't know. Now's now a great time. My friends are going through a…thing." I say._

"_But you're not, right?" He asks._

"_Well no, but I mean…I introduced them. So, if I was like, Jewish, I'd be sitting Shiva right now. You know, that kind of thing." I tell him._

"_Let me take your mind off of it, then. One drink and if you hate it, you're free to go." _

"_I don't know…" I say._

"_I'll buy you a back massager. A real one too; designed for your actual back." _

"_That wasn't what I was looking to massage" I laugh._

"_Well, I could massage that personally, if you wanted." He says._

"_Do you take me for that kind of girl?" I ask._

"_A girl who likes orgasms? Yes." He replies. I laugh, I can't help it. _

"_I suppose, one drink would be okay…" I say, exhaling deeply._

As soon as I say it, I already feel the guilt. Alice and Edward are hurting, and I'm making plans to fool around with cute edible panty guy.

"_You won't regret it."_

"_I hope not…"_

"Alec, huh. Suppose I should talk to him for you? Ask him if he'd be interested in joining a ministry?"

"Edward I've told you I was sorry. Twice. Cut me some slack okay?" I sigh.

I did apologize to him, two days in a row I begged him to forgive me as he molted on the couch. I even promised that I'd never say his name to Alice again, as long as I lived. He would just mumble how it was okay, and roll over to go back to sleep.

"It's still fresh Bella." He says.

"C'mon, Edward." I whine and lay my body on top of his. I wrap my arms around his neck and snuggle into his neck. Even after a bender, he smells so nice. "Love me." I mumble.

The large warmth of his palm finds its way to my back, and he gently rubs smooth circles on the soft cotton of my tee.

"You really gotta learn boundaries, Bella." he notes.

"You're right." I sigh. I feel my body rise and fall with each breath he takes. It's soothing enough that I could fall asleep.

"You can't avoid her forever." I whisper.

"I know that." He replies.

"I can't avoid her forever." I whisper again.

"Didn't know that you were."

"She's been texting me saying that she's worried since she hasn't heard from you. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to make it worse." I tell him.

He sighs and I feel his breath move across my face, fanning my hair.

"I don't want to talk to her yet, Bella. Once I do, it's really over."

"You sure that's what you want to do?" I ask, turning my head upwards to look at him.

"Don't see what else I can do, really. If we stay together, I'll definitely fuck around, and then it'll be over _and_ she'll be hurt. I just don't know what other options I have."

"You _could_ just have a quiet affair with someone who knows it's just about the sex," I laugh lightly, not meaning it seriously.

"Yeah, except girls always want more and eventually word would get back to Alice." He says.

"Girls don't _always_ want more, Edward." I say, leaning up and off of him.

"Oh bullshit, Bella. You know that they do." He says.

"So every girl you've slept with has wanted to be your girlfriend, Mr. Ego?" I ask.

"Every girl I've slept with has either called me fourteen times afterwards or stalked my facebook page to see if I've written something about her."

"That is such horse shit." I laugh.

"Swear it. You're trying to tell me with any kind of seriousness that you've slept with a guy, and then been done with him that easily?" he asks.

"Absolutely. Sex and love aren't the same emotion, Edward. One is fun, the other leaves you chubby, hairy and on my couch for a week." I say referencing the beer tummy he's carrying and the beard he's wearing from his six day binge.

"Ha, ha." He leans forward and brushes his cheek against mine to scrub my skin with his facial hair.

"Ouch. Stop!" I complain.

He laughs. It's nice to hear again.

"It's a moot point anyway," he says. "I could never do that. Not when it'd hurt her so much."

"What if she didn't find out, though?" I ask.

"She would. This is a small town, everyone knows everyone. I'd never get away with it."

"But you've thought about it." I say.

"Well… I mean, yeah, I guess I have. God, fuck. Can we stop talking about what an asshole I am?" He asks, running his fingers through his hair.

"You're not an asshole, Edward. You're _horny_. Seriously though. Please think over all your options a little more before you end it with her. You guys are great together." I say.

"I don't _want_ to end it, Bella. I love her, you know that I do. I'm gonna fucking miss her like crazy. I'm just… Not a great guy, Bella. I should want to wait for her, but I don't think I can." He says.

"Well…um. I've been thinking. There's an easy solution to this problem…" I say.

"Is there now?" he asks.

"You could propose…no no, don't cut me off." I say, when he starts to open his mouth.

"Things would go back to how they were before. She'd still be reserved but at least there would be something! And we could go back to brainstorming how to get her to loosen up!" I tell him.

"I can't do that Bell." He says.

"Why not?!" I ask.

"Because what if I marry her and she _never_ loosens up?" he asks.

"I'll buy you more porn?" I question.

He sighs and runs a hand over his scalp.

"Do you think she'll still let me be her friend, when all is said and done?" he asks quietly.

I know the answer is no. Not a chance.

"Maybe." I say instead.

"This fucking sucks." He sighs.

"I'm sorry." I say.

He wraps his arm around my shoulders and exhales.

"Don't suppose you mind me spending more time on the couch do you? I can't face my bed knowing the only ass it'll see for a while is my own." He asks.

I can't help but laugh.

"Sure, as soon as you shave that bush off your face." I say.

"You love my bush!" he says, pushing his cheek against mine again.

"The only bush I love is my own!" I laugh.

"Ew..." he replies.

I laugh harder.

* * *

"What _are_ you making?" I ask with disgust.

"Enchiladas." Emmett replies.

"Never knew there was Velveeta in Enchiladas…" I bemoan.

"Mom ain't cooking, and I can't eat any more of that shit you've been serving." He complains.

"Yeah, vegetables and lean meats. I've definitely been serving shit." I reply.

"I need more meat in my life." He complains.

"Or up your ass." I comment.

"Fuck off, Bella. Taste this." He holds out a spoon filled with beef, something red, and a shit ton of cheese sauce.

"Uh, no thanks." I reply, moving my head back and far away from…that.

"Come on, I don't know if there's enough salt in it."

"Emmett, there's enough sodium in the Velveeta to kill a horse. There's enough salt in that concoction I assure you." I reply.

"I'll taste it." Edward emerges from the bathroom a new man. Freshly shaved and showered, he's wearing a real shirt with real jeans that don't have any holes to the visible eye.

Emmett turns the spoon to Edward, and Edward wraps his mouth around it.

"How cute. You two are feeding each other now." I say.

I receive two middle fingers in response.

"That shit is awesome." Edward says grabbing the spoon and making himself up a plate.

"Gross. You're both going to have heart disease." I say, standing up and moving towards the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Edward asks.

"To get ready for my date, remember? It's tonight." I say.

"Oh, right. _Alec_." He mocks.

"Don't say it like that. He's… nice." I say.

"Nice, right. As in he _nicely_ wants to get into your pants." He says.

"You don't know him; don't act like you do." I say.

"I don't need to. He's just like the rest of us." Edward says gesturing widely to himself and Emmett.

"Just because you're a douche, doesn't mean every guy out there is a douche." I say.

"Oh, on the contrary. I turned off my inner douche; _tried_ to be the good guy. Found myself a real nice girl, and look where that got me! Eating Cheez Whiz in your house on a Friday night." He scarfed down a large piece of Enchilada.

"Velveeta." Emmett replied.

I sighed deeply.

"Please don't make me feel badly about this, E. I get that you're in the cynical phase of the break up but I really don't want to kick the shit out of you. And I will if I have to."

"I'm not cynical. Life is a fucking bowl of cherries!" he shouts.

I sigh and continue up the stairs. Maybe if _I_ get some tonight, things will feel better.

I shower shaving my legs meticulously, and put on a short black skirt and a sparkly gold top that Alice had picked out for me once upon a time. I put a small clip in my hair and let the rest hang loose, no point in trying anything fancy on my own. I spend an extra ten minutes on my eye makeup, hoping to look sultry. I pop on a pair of black flats that I'll probably freeze in, and glance in a mirror. I don't look like…me. Sighing deeply, I make my way to the stair well.

"So, what are your intentions with my baby sister?" I hear Emmett's baritone through the walls.

Oh, God. No, no no. I hurry my way down to see my protectors huddled around poor Alec.

"He's not the only one you'll have to answer to if you fuck this up, you understand me?" Edward threatens.

"Ahem," I clear my throat, coming into the center of the room. "Excuse me, boys. Leave him alone. Alec, I am _so_ sorry about these asinine morons." I say.

He stands up and turns to face me. He's wearing a black button down and black jeans. He looks good.

"Bella, you look beautiful," he says.

"You know this fucktard didn't even bring you flowers, Bella?" Edward chimes.

" !" I grit, with my teeth clenched.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry, Bella, I just didn't even think…" Alec starts.

"No, please. We're getting a drink, not getting married, ignore him. He's _just_ a jackass." I reply.

"A jackass who brings flowers," Edward snorts.

"Let's just get out of here. Bye boys." I say exhaling my words.

"Make sure you keep your eye on your drink, Bella. I don't trust Mr. Monochromatic not to spike it." Edward says.

I close the door behind us and sigh again.

"Sorry, Alec. They're just…"

"It's cool. They're your brothers… I'm not gonna lie, I'd probably behave the same if I had a little sister." He says.

"Edward _isn't_ my brother, he's just… a stray we took in and water occasionally." I say.

"He isn't? Huh…" He replies taking a couple of steps forward.

"What? What does _huh_ mean?" I ask, standing back.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." He opens the passenger side of his car and gestures for me to go in. I gently make my way over and slide inside.

"So…where are you taking me?" I ask when he gets in the car.

"There's a cute little pub called O'Leary's. It's not too rowdy, so I figured we'd be able to talk."

Perfect.

"That's…perfect." I say.

* * *

"So, is the mall where you usually meet women?" I ask, sipping on my vodka cran.

"Haha, no, not usually. I was in a long term relationship up until about six months ago, so I haven't done a whole lot of picking up women, admittedly." He replies.

"And you're sure you didn't screw a bridesmaid at your brother's wedding?" I ask.

"I'm pretty sure I'd remember that." He laughs.

"So has it been six months since you…" I ask.

"Uh, no, not exactly. About a month after the breakup I was in my 'fuck that bitch' phase, and my boys took me out and got me hammered. Hooked up with two different women that night." He says.

"That's so gross," I laugh.

"But honest! I'd rather be upfront than play games." He says.

"I can appreciate that," I nod, "but shouldn't you be trying to impress me?" I ask.

"With lies and false promises that you'll probably find out about me once you meet my friends? Seems stupid."

"Once I meet your friends? You already planning that?" I ask.

My phone chimes with a text.

I discreetly pull it out of my purse and onto my lap.

"Well I'm hoping." He replies.

_Come home, I'm bored._ The text reads. It's from Edward.

_Buzz off._ I type back.

"Don't hope too hard, buddy. One drink in and you're already telling me about your sexual proclivities. I'm not even promising a second date." I say.

"How about you promise me a third instead?" he asks.

Okay, so I giggle.

_No seriously, the house sucks with no one home._ My phone chimes.

_Then go back to your own._ I type back.

"Let's get through tonight first, alright?" I say.

"So what about you? Any boys caught buying edible underwear lining up for your affections?" He asks.

"None with the edible underwear, no. I don't do the dating thing too often." I say.

"And why not? A girl like you must get plenty of offers." He says.

Cheesy.

_That one sucks too. Come home, we can even play scrabble. _Edward writes.

"Uh, no. I mean, I work in a library. Not exactly the booming social scene or place to go about meeting people. I used to go out more with my friend Alice, but she's in a relationship, so you know. Most people I meet are there to study so…" I say.

_I'm on a date, leave me alone. _I reply.

"Did you always want to work in a library?" Alec asks.

_Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella. _Edward chimes in.

_Stop! I'm gonna kill you._ I write back.

"No…I studied literature. Turns out you can't do anything with that degree except teach it to other people. And I don't _like_ other people enough to want to teach them anything." I say.

"You could always write…" Alec says before my phone goes off again.

_Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella._

"Am I keeping you from something, Bella?" Alec asks and I quickly look up from my phone.

"What? Oh, uh no. It's just Edward being obnoxious. I'm sorry." I reply.

"Did you and he ever go out?" Alec asks.

"Edward?" I ask.

He nods his head.

"Edward and me!?" I laugh. "Definitely not."

"You sure about that?" Alec asks.

"Oh, God, yeah, I'm positive. He's just annoying. Sorry, I'll just…shut my phone off now." I say putting it on vibrate and slipping it into my bag.

"He's awfully fond of you." Alec tells me.

"Yeah… we have an unusual friendship. But he's harmless, he's just going through a…"

"Thing, right, you told me." Alec responds.

"Yeah, a thing." I circle my finger along the rim of my glass and sigh.

Alec dropped me off that night with a small kiss on the cheek and a promise to call me later in the week. Thanks to Edward, I wasn't holding my breath.

I walked into the house to see Edward helping to make food for my mom. Her energy was still low and moving around the kitchen was difficult. He had heated chicken soup for her. I couldn't even be mad at the butthead.

"Hey guys…" I say, dropping my bag on the end table.

"Hi Hunny." Mom says.

"Hey Bell, look who finally decided to wake up and keep me company." He says with a grin.

"It's good to see you up and around, Mom." I say.

"I kept telling you I was fine, dear. You all worry too much." She replied.

"We're all just anxious to see you better" Edward tells her.

"Yeah… Well, enjoy your dinner guys; I'm going to go up to bed." I say.

"You don't want to hang out for a while? There's plenty of soup." Edward asks.

"Nah, I'm tired. G'night."

* * *

I spent a good hour and a half tossing and turning in my bed. I just couldn't sleep. All I could think about was Edward's depression, Alice's non-stop text messages, Alec's discomfort each time my phone buzzed, Mom's sleeping all day, Dad staying out of the house, Emmett disappearing to Rosalie's…

Things were a mess and there was nothing I could do to resolve any of it. I mean, things could have gone better with Alec if I had just shut my phone off in the first place, but at the same time, it was preposterous to think anything would ever or could ever happen between Edward and I. He wasn't even a man, he was just…_Edward_. Granted… he _did_ have the body of a man, with rough fingers and broad shoulders. And his voice _was_ deep and kind of sexy. That day in his bedroom, I'd felt parts of him that definitely _made_ him a man and it _was_ fun to play around, but in the end, he was still Edward. Just Edward; the same Edward who protected me from monsters; the same Edward who taught me how to drive.

But maybe…

Was it crazy to think that maybe he _could_ touch me the way a man would? Maybe it would feel just as good. And…maybe I could pay some attention to the parts of him that made him a man in the first place, and then maybe then he'd feel a lot better.

The more I thought about it, the more it did make sense. I was no threat to Alice, I didn't want Edward in the slightest. But…

I liked sex. All kinds of sex.

And if that was the key to their relationship…what if I were the one to give it to him?

_Could_ I, though? With Edward?

I slowly creep out of my bed and walk down the stairwell as quietly as possible. I need to look at him, need to see his face to snap me out of whatever is happening in my mind. I tip toe into the living room to find him where he's been the last week. He's resting comfortably, dimly lit by the TV. His arm, as usual is draped over his head, his chest exposed.

Exhaling shakily, I stand in front of him. I reach a hand out to feel his chest, not the way I'd normally touch him but, the way a woman would touch a man's. He is a dichotomy; firm and soft all at once. He's not hairy, but soft hairs line the course of his body. His milky white skin is a shade ligher than mine. He _feels_ like a man when I touch him.

Raising his blanket up, I slip onto the couch with him, straddling his legs. I pull the blanket around me so I'll have a quick way to hide if anyone wakes up. I don't even know what I'm doing; I follow instinct. I look up at his face.

His lips are full, but not large. Soft, but not quite pouty. His jaw is strong and he wears his five o'clock shadow from the day before. It's…God, it's _sexy_.

Guiding my fingertips down his stomach I gently stroke the skin beneath his happy trail. His arm comes down from against his head, to shoo my hand away. I freeze, thinking he's woken up, but he hasn't. I smile. He looks cute all rumpled with sleep.

Moving my hands downward, I stroke the skin beneath his boxer shorts; the skin of his thighs.

"Hmmmph." he mumbles in his sleep. I can see the mass inside his shorts starting to grow.

It's so intriguing. I _want_ to touch it, but I sooo shouldn't.

…Maybe just a little, though?

I brush my fingertips along his length, over his shorts.

"Mmm…" he mutters again.

I should be repulsed. I should feel guilty. I should run up to my room and forget this whole thing ever happened. But I'm not, and I don't and I'm not going to.

I don't know what I've started, but I can't seem to stop.

I lower my body to his, curiously pressing my lips against the soft hair on his chest. I breathe in his scent and gently suck his skin. I notice my own body starts to rock against the firm anchor his leg has provided me with. My tongue peaks out, I yearn for his taste.

His own body starts to react and I can tell he's half the way to awake. His long fingers reach down to adjust his smooth shaft. He's horny, his dream self feels the ache. Watching his hand dip below the elastic of his shorts only makes my desire to _ride_ him stronger. I want him inside me. I am _so_ hot.

He exhales, giving himself a quick tug before removing his hand and turning his head into the pillow. I could walk away right now, and he'd think he'd dreamt this. But…I can't. Not without making him cum.

Moving further down the blanket, I tuck it entirely over my head. Gently pulling down his boxers, I quietly gasp at how he looks before me. He carries a medium length, full and thick. His tip is wet with pre-cum and desire. It's red with the same pressure I'm feeling in my panties. This is wanting, this is need.

I _want_ him. I _need_ him.

Kissing the tip of his shaft, I gently wrap my fist around his base. He lets out a large exhale and I know as soon as my mouth covers him, he'll be wide awake and there's no turning back. I run the tip of my tongue from the bottom of his dick all the way up. Lowering my head, I take him into my mouth and down my throat.

"Ugh…" he mutters, and I feel his body rise up slightly.

I raise my head gently, tugging his cock against the soft pillow of my lips.

"Mm, uh…huh?" I hear him saying, as I power my head back down letting my tongue press against him.

"Ooh, the fuck?" his voice is hoarse and deep.

I use my hand in conjunction with my mouth, slowly starting to pick up the pace.

He raises the blanket and looks down at me.

"Bell?" he whispers.

I pull my mouth off of him, and raise my pointer finger over my lips telling him to shh.

"Okay…" he mumbles, pulling the blanket back and nudging my head back to where he wants it most.

Sliding him back into my mouth, I hear him mutter "Ah, yeah…" and I know he's getting what he needs.

I'm giddy. I'm fucking wet.

Pumping him with my fist, I start to add suction. His breathing is so erratic, I hear him everywhere. He is surround sound; I want more.

He tries to hold back, but his hips can't help it, he thrusts into my mouth. It doesn't bother me, I like it. When he's close, I can tell. His sounds increase, his body barely staying still. I use my other hand to stroke his balls and he's done for.

"Bella, baby, you gotta move…" he whispers.

Gently shaking my head no, I prepare to indulge in his orgasm. I relish in it.

He fills my mouth with that awful goo and I swallow it down like a fucking champion. His chest rises and falls rapidly and he runs his fingers through his hair. I slip him out of my mouth and gently sit up. A moment of silence passes us by.

"Wow. what…was that?" he asks, his voice nothing but breath.

Uh. Good question. Suddenly, I'm frozen in place. My hair a mess, my lips all swollen and pink; what _was_ that?

Fearing his reaction, I quickly stand from my position on the couch.

"Hey," he says gruff, grabbing my hand. I quickly let it go.

"This never happened, okay?" I tell him.

"Wait, let's just talk, okay?" he replies.

"No. Goodnight." I say and I fly up the stairs.

Quickly hopping into my bed, I pull my own blanket up to my neck.

Oh God, what did I do? Years of friendship potentially destroyed; and what if he tells _Alice_?

I hear gently knocking on my door.

"Bella," he says quietly, trying not to wake anyone.

If I ignore him, he'll go away.

"Bella." He repeats.

I sigh, squeezing my eyelids shut.

And then…the knocking stops and I exhale a sigh of relief.

He's gone, for now; but how am I ever going to face him in the morning?

* * *

**AN:** _Going into hiding now...eep! Thanks for reading!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7** – _Gang's All Here_

**BPOV**

This was no big deal, really. People did stupid things all the time right? They took their walk of shame with their heads held low and then it was over; a memory to look back on when you're old and gray. So… why couldn't I bring myself to leave my room?

I'd finished my morning routine, spending extra time brushing my teeth, of course. My hair looked fine, and my clothes were totally casual; no one would be able to see the shadow I had forcibly cast upon myself. The knob of my door looked so ominous though. It taunted me with the knowledge of what I'd done last night. It had seen my disgrace. If I turned it loose, it would tell.

After wasting an extra hour, casually rearranging my stuff, I figured it was time to bite the bullet. Edward would have left by now, surely, as would of the rest of the house. It would buy me some alone time to just…think, reflect even.

Creeping down the stairs, I peer into the living room to see the blanket of doom folded gently over the couch. No bodies underneath it. My sigh of relief is cut short, though, when I hear a roar of laughter coming from the kitchen.

"I'm so glad you're doing this, Hunny" I hear Mom say.

I tip toe closer to see what's going on.

Mom and Dad sit at our table with Emmett and Edward. Rosalie's wearing my apron; the one I wear when I bake. She's got a spatula in her hand and flour on her cheek. It all looks ridiculous in heels.

"Hopefully it tastes good," Rose replies.

"Stop worrying, dear! I already know we'll love it." Mom says.

I peer over at Edward to find his eyebrows scrunched. He looks…the same as he always does. I don't know why I thought he'd look different this morning. His hair hasn't changed, it's messy as fuck; his lips are as full as ever, his jaw could still cut glass. Despite having had his penis in my mouth, he's still just Edward. With scrunched eyebrows and a frown.

Slowly entering the room, I lean against the wall I quietly mutter a hello.

"There you are sweetheart! I was getting worried about you; you never sleep this late." Mom says.

"I, uh, had trouble sleeping." I reply, playing with my fingers, looking down. I never realized how the pattern of the floor repeated so frequently.

"That's 'cause you were out so late last night with _Alec_." Emmett chimes, saying Alec's name really obnoxiously.

"No, I wasn't." I say quietly.

"I heard you running up the stairs at like, one, Bella. Who you kiddin'?" Emmett replies.

My face must be flushed, I can feel the heat pooling there. It wasn't _Alec_ that I was with at one in the morning.

"Don't tease your sister, Emmett. She was home at a very respectful hour. Edward and I saw her come in, didn't we, Edward?" Mom says.

"Huh? Oh, uh yeah. She was home by like, 10." He says; his eyes far away. Their usual shine is absent.

"I just came down for some water, Emmett." I say.

"Yeah, _water_… or sneaking out your new boyfriend…"

"Emmett!" Mom cuts him off.

"I'm making everyone breakfast." Rosalie announces, breaking up my tense conversation with my brother.

"Why?" I reply.

"Because I had an argument with my mother. She said I was incapable of being domestic. I'm proving her wrong."

"Wouldn't she need to bear witness said domestication then? In order to prove your point? Like maybe by doing it in your own home?" I say.

"Pardon my language Mr. and Mrs. S. but screw her. She doesn't get to tell me I can't cook and then enjoy my pancakes." Rose tells us.

"Stop grilling her, Bella. Come sit." Mom interjects.

The only seat left open is next to Edward. Given his mood, I'm not into it.

"I'm good, actually. I'm just gonna head out to Jake's…" I say.

"Nonsense. Rosalie's cooking us a lovely meal, you can head out later." Mom tells me and points to the chair.

I sigh.

I carefully make my way into the chair, making sure I don't accidently touch him.

Edward's arms fold over his chest. I exhale.

You know that phrase, about tension being thick?

"Okay, here we go guys. Be truthful." Rosalie says placing an enormous stack of pancakes in the center of the table.

Edward and I reach for one at the same time, and our arms collide painfully.

"Sorry…" I mumble, rubbing my wrist.

"Me too." He says quietly.

I already hate this. This isn't _us_.

The pancake is ugly. The color is off and it's entirely misshaped. I almost feel like I'm staring at a Rorschach test. If man in a pearly white lab coat were to ask me what I saw when I looked at it, I'd have to tell him betrayal and butterflies.

Tasted pretty damn good, though.

"Not bad, Rose." I say.

"My woman can cook," Emmett hoots.

"Don't call me your 'woman', I have a name" Rosalie complains.

"And she's got some mouth on her…"

I cough on my orange juice. Goooood morning.

Edward stops playing with his fork.

"Jeez, guys. I meant her attitude. Get your heads out of the gutter, man." Emmett chuckles.

"Emmett, don't be a pig." Mom tells him.

"Can I please be excused on account that I'm _so_ not into this?" I ask.

"No, you will sit here with your family and eat a damn pancake." Dad says.

"I'd really like to get to Jake's before it's too late in the day. He's expecting me." I scoff.

"Jake can wait." Dad replies.

"Did I hear my name?" Jake says, coming through the front door with Jasper.

Greaaaat.

"I was just going to head out to _your_ house, Jacob. Remember?" I grit.

"Huh?" he asks and I give him a dirty look.

"Oh, look, pancakes." He says, reaching over everyone to grab some with his fingers.

"At least use a fork" Rosalie tells him.

"Nah, this is finger food." He replies.

"Pass me some" Jasper tells him.

"Emmett hunny, go grab some folding chairs for the boys so that they can sit with us." Mom says.

"Nah, don't worry 'bout it, Mrs. S. Jake and I are just passing through to tell Bella about this crazy party tonight." Jasper tells us, pancake crumbs flying.

"My daughter doesn't need to be going to any crazy parties" Dad tells them.

"No, she needs a lobotomy." I say, thrusting my fork into my pancake hard.

"She needs to stop murdering my pancakes." Rosalie chimes.

I grab a butter knife and cut cut cut.

"Think about it. We're going at like, 10. Call if you want us to swing by and pick you up." Jake leans down and kisses the top of my head. "Thanks for the cakes of panny goodness." He says.

"They were righteous." Jasper chimes.

The door swings open again, to reveal an angry Alice. Seriously though, can I get a fucking break this morning?!

"Great," I say. "Gang's _all_ here!" Sarcasm is made of friendly fire.

"Edward." She says.

"Al. Hey…" he mumbles, running his hands through his hair and turning to face her.

"Bella." She says.

"What up, Alice?" I monotone.

"I need to talk to both of you. _Now_."

"Can't," I tell her, "don't you know? It's family pancake time." I hold my plate up in example.

"It's okay, Bella. You both can go spend some time with her." Mom says.

I stare at her incredulously.

"Well, you hang out with _those_ two all the time."

Jake and Jasper both stop mid-chew.

"Down right insulting." Jake mutter shaking his head.

"I'm humbled in my hurt," Jasper pretends to sob.

"Goodbye boys. I'll call you later." I say standing from my chair to give them both hugs.

"Now, Bella." Alice says.

"Cool your jets, I'm coming."

* * *

The three of us are locked in my bedroom. I sit on my bed, playing with my hands, Edward is moving back and forth in the desk chair and Alice stands over both of us with her arms crossed. I doubt she knows anything, but her face looking like that, makes me _feel_ like she does. And _that_ makes me feel inexplicitly small.

"What is going on with the two of you? I haven't heard a word from either of you in seven days! _Eight_ from Edward. I think I deserve an explanation. What is going on?" She asks; her arms cross in her guard. She's prepared to protect herself for what happened, even if she doesn't know that it happened.

"Uh… what's going on?" I repeat.

She nods. Her face is sincere. She's ready for a blow.

"Um, well, right now… Hockey. NFL playoffs. Gun control?" I reply; deflection is key.

"With the _two of you_, Bella. You knew what I meant. Is something going on between the two of you?" She replies.

"What? Seriously Alice. You know better than that." I reply.

"Then explain the timely disappearing act." She says.

"I've just been busy…" I say, looking to Edward for help.

"Too busy to answer a text?" She asks.

"Life happens, Alice. I've barely had time to think, okay?" I reply.

"And you couldn't even shoot me a text letting me know that?" she asks.

"I really didn't think about it, Alice. What do you want me to say? Sorry."

"I don't want you to say anything; I want you to be there for me! I really could have used my friend these last few days." She says.

"You're right. I should've made it a point to text you, Alice, but I just didn't even think to." I say.

"How you could be so preoccupied with that little library job, is beyond my…"

"It's Bella's mom, Al." Edward speaks up. We both turn to look at him.

"She, uh, she's been pretty sick lately. Bella's been a nervous wreck, and I've just been staying here to help out. No one is intentionally ignoring you." He tells her.

Uh. Sort of the truth, I guess. I'm not a nervous wreck, because I know my mom will get better, but at the same time, I am worried about her. Seeing her so frail and sick is upsetting to me. And he _has_ been helping with my mom out; each time he stopped his molting on the couch, he'd be up helping her get water, or her medication or just some broth to eat. So he wasn't really lying…

Okay, we'll go with it.

"Oh, God, Bella. I didn't even think." Alice says. Her cheeks flush the way mine always do, her lips part slightly.

"It's cool…" I say, shrugging one shoulder, keeping my eyes on my knees. I can't look at her.

"I'm the worst friend ever. _That_ should have been my first thought when I hadn't heard from you." She comes over to sit next to me. She raises her arm over my shoulders.

_She's not the worst friend_, I think, _I am_.

"It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine, okay?" I say, standing up. I don't want her touching me and I _don't_ want to talk about my mother. I just want everything to stop for a minute.

"It's not fine. I'm sorry I burst in here like that. But next time you guys should call me…I can help out, okay? I would've been here all the way, you know that right?" she says.

I just nod quietly.

She rises up and goes to sit on Edward's lap.

"I'm sorry baby." She tells him and kisses his lips.

Gag. I don't even want to see them touching right now.

"It's cool. We'll catch up with you as soon as things cool down over here, alright? Don't think anyone's ignoring you." He tells her.

"Yeah, alright." She smiles and kisses him again. "I'm sorry. I just missed you a lot…"

"I missed you too," he tells her, giving her a tight hug.

"You guys want some privacy?" I ask, only _slightly_ snarky.

"Nah, I'm gonna go. Just…call occasionally, okay, Bella? Let me know what's going on." Alice says.

"Yep." I reply.

She runs over to hug me fast before walking out of my door. I cringe.

I glance at Edward for a second before I move to leave as well. I can't wait to be out of this room where I can _breathe_ again.

"Wait." He says.

"Why?" I ask.

"I think we should talk. About last night," he says.

"There's nothing to talk about, remember?" I tell him.

"I disagree. Look, Bell, I think maybe you should sit down for this."

"Uh, why?" I ask, my face morphing into God-knows what.

"Humor me. Please?"

Could I ever say no to him in a vulnerable state? Did I possess that lack of emotion gene in my gut? I sigh and let my ass fall back to its original spot on my bed.

He stands up and rubs his fingers against his lips and down his jaw. The course prickle of his beard pokes against his hands. He paces back and forth in front of me. Long strides match his long legs.

"You see, the thing is… I care for you…deeply, I really do. I love you even. You're very important to me, but… the love that I feel for you, Bella, it's not the…_romantic_ kind." He says.

He's so serious in his pacing. His face a set stone. His jaw is taut and resolute. Oh, fuck it, I can't help it. I burst out laughing.

"Seriously, Edward?" I ask.

"…Why are you laughing? This shit isn't funny! I'm stressing out over here." He exclaims, his arms wave.

"Yes, it is. Didn't I _already_ explain to you that not every girl you have a sexual encounter with is going to be in love with you? I _don't_ have feelings for you, Edward. Get the fuck over yourself." I tell him.

"Then what the fuck was the whole…" he makes a strangled noise and gestures to his crotch, "about? Because I'm really fucking confused over here." He tells me, tugging at the ends of his hair. He's still pacing. The carpet is wearing thin.

"Just…me letting my mind run amuck, I guess. Relax, it's not going to happen again, you big psychopath." I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Why did it happen the first time?" He asks.

"Does it matter? You _got off_, you should be grateful saying, 'hey thanks' instead of giving me an inquisition." I say.

"Normal people don't just suck someone off _just_ _because_, Bella." He says, irritated.

"Well I never claimed to be normal, now did I? Can I go now?"

He sighs and closes his eyes.

"Stop being so difficult." He mumbles. His legs stop and he simply stands still.

"I'm not." I sigh. "Look, you know how I am. I was up and I was thinking and I was upset that you were hurting. I just figured if I were the one to do, _that sort of thing_, for you when Alice wouldn't, everyone could be happy."

He stops and tugs harder at his scalp.

"Y…y…you and your _schemes_, Bella." He moans.

"Yeah. Me and my schemes, Edward."

"You can't just go around doing things because you think they're a good idea, Bella. Actions have consequences!"

"Yeah, I got it." I reply.

"Do you have any idea how many people would get hurt if this came out? Alice, your brother, our parents!"

"Okay first off, you're going to stop fucking shouting at me. Second, it is none of Emmett or our parents' businesses okay? The idea was for it to be private. You think I _want_ Alice to find out? Fuck no. I was trying to do you a favor, but your head is shoved so far up your ass you don't even see that." I say.

"I fucking do see that, Bella, thank you, _okay_!?" He breathes out heavy. We sit quietly for a minute.

"Look, it was a stupid idea, okay? We can both agree that it never happened and go on with life the way it always was. I'll stop meddling." I tell him.

"Fuck…" he mumbles.

He grabs my hand from where I sit. He tugs my arm until I stand in front of him. He's so much taller than I am, with my head facing down I don't get a peripheral of his face.

"I'm sorry for yelling," he whispers.

"I'm sorry for scheming." I reply.

"You were just trying to help." He mumbles.

"I shouldn't have meddled." I say.

He laughs lightly before pulling me into a hug.

"I don't want to lose you." he says into my hair.

"That could never happen." I reply.

"You give good head…" he mumbles.

"Shut up!" I say, pushing his stomach.

He laughs.

"Friends?" he questions.

"Always." I reply.

And just like that, it didn't need to matter anymore. Just a memory…for when you're old and gray…

* * *

"Let's smoke," Jasper tells me. We're sitting on a basement couch. It smells like mold and dirty ass. There are people everywhere, drunk as shit, dry humping and falling down. I'm getting too old for this.

"Let's not." I reply.

"Come on, Bella. This party is lame." He replies.

"Yeah and if we smoke, it'll be lame _and_ I'll have a headache." I reply.

"That's 'cause you take it like a bitch." He complains.

"Funny, that's what your boyfriend says about you." I tell him.

"Maaan, fuck off. You want to be all old and boring and shit. I'm going to go ask that girl if she wants to toke instead."

"Have at it." I tell him and he stands to go.

I sigh. I don't know why I agreed to come here.

Tugging my phone from my jeans, I debate. I want to text Edward. We're ignoring what happened, aren't we? So it shouldn't be weird…

But, at the same time, it _is_ weird. Now that the idea of sex has been introduced into our friendship, I don't want him to think that I lied; that I _do_ have feelings for him.

Because I don't.

I glance up and see Jake standing behind some ho booty dancing into his erection. Gross.

"Fuck it," I mumble, pulling up Edward in my contacts.

_Are you at home? This party sucks._ I type to him.

_No, Alice and I are out_. He replies.

I sigh. Great.

Grabbing my bag, I resolve to walk home. Neither Jake nor Jasper is in any state to drive, anyway.

The scent of wet grass carries me. It tells me more than a companion ever could. There is life beyond this town, Bella, places that are dry, places that have sand. Maybe I'll start off in Arizona. I never met anyone from Arizona. I could have a fresh start; a place where no one knew of who I had been or who I was going to be. I could make up a false identity, have everyone call me Maggie and dye my hair blonde. I could fuck a cowboy or seven and pretend not to see their wedding rings or baggy eyes. I wouldn't have a past, no family and nothing attached to my waist. I wouldn't think to call Edward up on a Saturday night while he was out with his girlfriend; hell, I might have a girlfriend of my own. I yearn for freedom. I yearn for my wings.

I walk through the front door of my house and reality is back. Dozens of pill bottles line the counter. The worn blanket Edward sleeps with lines the couch. The four walls that box the house in, box in me.

I climb the stairs and walk to my bed. I remove my clothing and stutter to the bathroom to clean my makeup. My body is bare and all that is left is me.

"Grant me wings," I whisper into the mirror.

I lean forward and kiss my own lips in my reflection.

I am married to myself. I am my own ball and chain.

I rest in the comfort of my warm bed. My soft comforter is my body's pillow. I hope I dream tonight.

…and I do.

That is, until something shakes me from my sleep, tugging and pulling on my arm.

"Hmm?" I mumble in my barely awake state.

"Bell," I hear.

"Huh?" I reply.

"Bella, wake up."

I sigh. It's Edward. I'm over him and his drama.

"What, Edward?" I whine. "I'm sleeping, you stupid 'hole." comes out of my mouth.

"I gotta talk to you, wake up, damn it." He says.

I huff. I open my eyes and place my palms to the soft mattress pad. I raise my body up and glance at him. The light from the moon shines through the window coloring his face in pale blue night.

"Why couldn't you wait for the morning, Edward?" My voice is muffled with the airs of sleep.

"This needed to be said in private…" he tells me.

"So spit it out, already. I want to sleeeeep." I whine.

"I want in on the scheme." He says with rapid speed.

"Say huh?" I reply.

"You know, last night? Your scheming?" He says.

Memories of last night flood my brain; his skin, the sounds of his breathing, the taste of his sweat and flesh. His hips _looked_ so good when they flexed and his hands _felt_ so good in my hair. I'm awake now.

"Uh huh…" I mumble, incapable of real speech after the memory.

"Let's do it."

"Really?" I mumble.

He nods.

"Okay. Let's do it."

* * *

**AN:** _Thank you for reading!_


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: **_Today is a double update day, because my work week coming up is looking a little bit long and I want to make sure this gets out…sooo, if you haven't read chapter seven yet, head on back because this is a direct continuation from where it left off. I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 8- **_Just Want Your Extra Time and Your…_

**BPOV**

"Wait, wait a second." I say. "I thought you were all, 'actions have consequences' and shit." I tell him, getting my thought process back together.

"That's why absolutely no one can ever know. Here, scoot over." He says, standing from his kneeling position besides my bed. I flick on my lamp and move to one side. He gently climbs in besides me. He's warm next to me.

"So, I know I was a little off kilter before, but you know, shit was confusing. I think you may have had a point though..." he says.

"Did I, now?" I reply, my eyebrow lifted.

He sighs.

"Okay, so I thought about it. A lot. And I don't think it's as bad as I thought it was before…I mean, really, when you think about it, it isn't exactly _cheating_ because it's you and me doing things that she doesn't do. If she did do it, then us doing it, would be wrong…but since she won't, it's just me…exploring other interests with other interested parties, right?"

"If that's how you want to justify it…" I say.

"Come on, Bella. Work with me; this was your idea." He says.

"And I stand by it, but I'm not going to pretend that it isn't cheating. I'm just going to quantify it as you and I having some harmless fun." I say.

"And it is harmless, because no one will know, and no one will get hurt." He says.

"Exactly. And while no one is getting hurt, you and I will have…fun." I reply.

"Right. Fun." He says.

"Right. Exactly." I reply.

"So, um, I was thinking, if we are going to do this, then maybe we should have some rules…" he says.

"Rules? Like what?" I ask.

"Well, for example, maybe we shouldn't have any p in v penetration…" he says.

"…Isn't that the whole point of the arrangement though?" I ask.

"No, I'm saying like an, everything _but_ kind of a deal. Just to make it a little more…dignified." He says.

"So as long as _it_ doesn't actually go _inside_, everything else is fair game?" I ask.

"Exactly."

"I can work with that, I suppose. But I do have some rules of my own to counter with." I tell him.

"Um, yeah, sure. Okay, what are they?" He asks.

"Well, I don't do anal play 'cause I just don't like it. And no rape fantasy, because that's just creepy. And…well, no declarations of love during. 'Cause that's just awkward." I say.

"…And that's it?" he asks.

"I'm pretty cool with anything else." I say with a nod.

"Alright…so we're doing this?" he asks.

"If you want to, I want to." I reply.

He nods thoughtfully.

"Okay...so how do we like, seal this? Do we shake hands? Or should we like, seal this with a kiss or something?" He asks.

"A kiss is a good idea. Practice, so to speak."

"Yeah, okay, cool." He replies.

We turn to face each other. His head goes left and mine follows making it impossible for our lips to meet.

"Oops." I mutter. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

We try again.

His head moves towards mine faster than I expect and we bash noses.

I giggle.

"This is _so_ awkward." I say.

"We talked about it too much, it's not natural anymore." He replies.

"Okay, so sit still then." I tell him.

He stays put.

I grasp my palms against the sharp edges of his jaw. Pulling him close to me, I lean in and peck his lips. They're soft and wet.

"See? That was nothing." I tell him.

"Mmhmm." He replies.

"So, just…react to me as you would, naturally." I tell him lowly.

I lean back in, and wrap my lips around the swell of his top. Pulling gently, I suck the pink flesh between the pillows of my mouth.

His lips follow suit, pulling my bottom into his mouth and swiping the rough wetness of his tongue against it. Letting my mouth fall open, I reach my own tongue out to find his. He's tentative with his licks, moving slowly, tasting and savoring. I let them dance together.

"Mmm," I hear myself moan into his mouth.

His hands find my hips and he shifts my body closer. They're strong, they pull my body like jello to his. Mine find his hair, giving it a gentle tug through my fingers.

His lips get greedy. His mouth parts wider and tugs at mine in a bid for dominance. My hips respond to his call, I lift up over him and press my knees on either side of his body. His legs are firm, they fill my thighs as I sink down on him. Is his dick hard? I want to inch forward to find out, but urge myself to hold back. He's willing now, and soon I can touch it as much as I want.

His hands sink down my hips until they find my ass. He nudges me closer, squeezing my skin, bringing me closer and closer to where I want to be. I ease my mouth from his, gasping for as much breath as my lungs will dare to ingest.

My hands find his shoulders, the run their way down against his chest. His breathing mirrors mine. Deep long breaths.

"Maybe we should save some for another day?" I breathe against his lips.

"Maybe." He replies. "Or maybe I get to make _you_ cum tonight."

I laugh lightly with nerves, still breathing heavy against him.

"I don't think you're ready for all that." I say.

"Don't deflect. Lay down." He instructs. I have to listen; I can't help not to.

I climb off of him and press my back into the mattress. My chest heaves with each breath I take in.

His hands rub up and down my thighs, their rough texture makes me bite my lip. They work their way up to my panties and slide them down to my knees. The length of my sleep shirt keeps me hidden to his view, and I instinctively go to cross my legs.

"Uh, uh" he shakes his head to me and holds them slightly opened. He wants to see. Using his index finger, he carefully carries the fabric down the rest of my legs. They make the slightest noise when they hit the floor but it sounds like a bomb has gone off. I want him _so_ bad.

His body kneels down into the bed. He reaches his head close to my ankle and starts to brush my skin with the prickle of his beard. He hasn't shaved at all today, it tickles me; it hurts me; it just intensifies the ache I feel where my panties used to be. His lips part and he pulls on the skin of my calf with his mouth. His hands roam higher on my legs and as he moves up, my knees part giving him room to climb my body. This is instinct. This feels amazing.

My hands are shaking. As much as I want this, I'm so nervous. This is Edward. I want him to like it. I want him to feel as good as I do. He has to be into it.

He's nibbling my knees, the smile on my face is a mile wide. He's so close now.

"Stop teasing…" I whine quietly.

"Don't complain, I'm following through." He tells me.

"Follow through _now_," I bitch.

"Stop being so impatient." He replies.

He raises my leg over his shoulder, my knee folded over his back. He can see all of me now. I'm shaking like a leaf. My hands find his hair and I press him down. I don't want him to observe me; I want him to fuck me.

"Fuckin' beautiful..." he whispers before softly blowing on my wet flesh.

"Edward…" I whine.

He presses a quick kiss to my clit, and I arch upwards.

"Easy, Bell." He whispers.

His kisses find me again, and I start to squirm. I bite down on my lip to keep from making any noise.

His lips open, allowing his tongue to swirl against my swelled flesh.

"Oh my god…" peeks its way out of my lips, and I grasp my hands against my mouth to keep quiet.

Long, deep strokes find my clit in ecstasy as his rough tongue works my soft skin. Unlike when I was working him, my body can't stay even a little still. I grind my hips into his face and he doesn't complain once. His hand works its way from below my leg to my center. He slips his middle finger inside me and I moan loudly into my hand.

_I can't believe this is happening. _

His ring finger joins his other digit and I am a fucking whoring mess. I purr, I moan, I pant. I wanted wings, but I fly so high with him that I can no longer tell which way is up. I don't care that when we're done he'll go cuddle with his girlfriend; in this moment she doesn't exist to me. Alice who? All that matters is his fantastical tongue, and how it hits the right spot every time it leaves his mouth.

"Uhhhhhh…" I explode to the rhythm of my creaking bed.

_God I hope no one could hear that. _

His tongue caresses my skin gentler as I come down. I feel so good.

He makes his way back up my body. He gently rests on top of me before pulling my lips against his and kissing me hard and steady. My arms wrap around him, I kiss him as good as he gave.

"Do you want me to…?" I ask against his lips. His dick is still hard. I feel it on my thigh.

"This one was about you. Next time." He tells me. He slips off of me and lies next to my spot on the mattress.

I'm a sloppy mess. My legs rest open, throbbing with the need to thrust him into my body. The orgasm was satisfying but it feels like a prelude to a show I've not been invited to. I am covered in his scent. He is covered in mine. I want to be filled by him; completely consumed by him. Over and over.

"How was your date?" I whisper.

"The best. We had a really nice night." He answers quietly.

"Why'd you come find me in my bed?" I ask.

"Because I couldn't stop thinking about you." He replies. "I mean, of your offer."

"You glad you did?" I ask.

"Mmhmm. I'll probably feel like shit in an hour or so, but right now? Yeah."

"Me too. Are we bad people for doing this?" I ask.

"Not as long as we can keep this quiet. If no one gets hurt, where's the harm?" he asks.

"You're right." I whisper. I lean over and kiss his lips. They taste like me.

"You spending the night?" I ask.

"Yes." He replies.

"You wanna stay up here with me?" I ask, my fingers play with his shirt, resting against his belly where his happy trail lays beneath.

"I shouldn't do that." He tells me. He's right.

"Okay. Well, I'll see you in the morning then?" I ask.

"Yeah, you will, Bell." He kisses my forehead and gently closes the door behind him as he leaves.

Is it possible to be sore from cunnilingus alone? Jesus.

I run to the bathroom to clean myself up before going to sleep with a smile on my face.

* * *

Morning comes and I'm nervous again. I don't know what he's thinking, or regretting for that matter. To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm thinking.

It felt amazing in the moment and I was so into him; but when the daylight hit my little house and filled my little window all I could think about was who he was. I was _not_ sexually attracted to Edward. He was…May May's kid!

Was it really harmless, after all?

After grooming I made my way down the stairs. Edward and Emmett are sitting in the living room, eating cereal.

"Hey bozos." I say, sitting besides my brother.

"Hey you little bimbo!" Emmett tells me, pulling his big arm around my shoulders. He hadn't let go of the Alec thing, I see.

"What are you two doing?" I asked.

"Watching cartoons!" He replies.

I grab his cereal from his hands and start eating it. Fruity Pebbles. Gross.

"Hey, that's mine!" Emmett complains.

"I thought you and Edward were spoon feeding each other now," I say. "Ask him for a bite."

"Fuck you, Bella." Edward chimes.

"Yo E, help a brother out." Emmett chimes with his mouth open wide.

"You're both fucking stupid." Edward says, standing up and walking towards the kitchen.

"I'll have some Special K!" I shout.

One strange animal on the screen hits another strange animal on the screen with a giant hammer.

Emmett cracks up.

"_This show_ is what's fucking stupid." I say.

"It's a fucking classic!" Emmett replies.

Edward comes back to two boxes of cereal. He tosses them on the coffee table.

"There. B, move over, I'm not sitting next to him anymore. I can feel the gay wafting." He says.

I nudge Emmett to the other side of the couch and get comfortable in the middle. Edward plops down beside me and I smile discreetly. Edward on one side, my brother of the other. Nothing has changed.

"It's not nice to be rude to your lover," I tell Edward.

"Even if I were gay, I could do a hell of a lot better than Emmett." He says.

"You fucking wish. You'd be lucky to find a guy half as good looking as me." Emmett replies.

"Both of you, shut up. This whole thing is icking me out. I don't want to hear about Emmett having sex with anyone." I reply.

"Really though, Bella. Which one of us is better looking?" Emmett asks.

"How _either_ of you ever got a girlfriend is beyond comprehension." I reply.

"My baby girl has never been more satisfied…" Emmett starts.

"Oh God, ick. Just put me out of my misery." I respond.

Edward's phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out thoughtfully before answering.

"Hey…Al."

Uh oh. I feel something in the pit of my stomach. Something, I don't want to feel. Something in the realm of guilt.

"Yeah, no, I'm feeling a lot better." He says into the receiver.

"Trouble in paradise?" Emmett whispers to me.

"You know they're having a few problems, Emmett. Just leave it alone." I tell him.

"Uh, yeah, if you want. I'm just at Emmett's place now. Yeah…if you want to stop by, I'm sure it'd be cool." Edward says.

"You think she's giving him any pussy yet?" Emmett asks me.

_She's not._ I think in my head.

"Uh, gross. I don't _want_ to know." I reply.

"Love you too." Edward mumbles, running his hand through his hair and hanging up the phone.

"So, uh, Alice is stopping by." He says.

"Love you, hunny pooh bear, muah muah muah" Emmett mocks.

I elbow him in the stomach.

"Emmett's just jealous because you don't love him anymore." I say.

"Tell Emmett I'm switching teams." He replies.

"Tell Edward that _everyone_ is on team Emmett." Emmett replies.

"Team Bella is going to go get some fresh air. Enjoy yourselves, you morons." I say, standing up and going out back. I pop a squat on the old picnic table and smile. I can't help being happy.

I had an amazing orgasm last night, with the promise of more in the future and it didn't affect anyone's life at all. This fucked up idea was crazy…but it was totally going to work. E and Alice were stronger than they had been in over a week, and he and I were thick as ever. Why did people ever allow sex to negatively influence their lives? It was meant to be fun; exciting even. I wondered if he'd be opposed to letting me suck his dick under this table when everyone was home later…I would definitely have to inquire about that.

"Heyyyy" Alice's voice interrupted my day dream. She came out from the house wearing a cute yellow dress and a white cardigan. She was the sweet to my sour.

"Hey, you." I said. She came around and sat up next to me.

"How you feeling?" she asks.

"Hm?" I question.

"About your Mom and all?"

"Oh. Yeah, I'm doing okay. Edward's been helping us through it, you know?" I reply.

"Yeah, he's a good guy. So guess what?" She asks.

"What?" I reply.

"We had the most amazing first date re-do last night. He took me to dinner, bought me flowers, and we took this sweet stroll along the lake. It was so cute. I think we're going to be okay, after all." She says with a smile.

I figure this is my chance to get any dirt, if I want it. At this point, I do, but only for curiosity's sake.

"Oh yeah? How'd that go? Finally ready to give up the abstinence thing?" I ask.

"Goodness no, Bella. And that's the best part! We talked about it again, and he said he understood. He's willing to wait, isn't that sweet?" she asks.

Sure he's willing to wait for full on intercourse, but that's only because I want to whore around with him the second she leaves.

"Are you sure? Most guys aren't satisfied with that." I reply.

"For now, anyway. I figure that once he gets antsy, it'll probably be around the time we're ready for marriage and then it won't really matter anyway." She says.

"I thought you were ready now," I say.

"Boys mature slower, Bella, you know that. I'm just hanging on until he catches up with me. And anyway, this gives us a chance to just go back to basics. Simple dates like last night without all that expectation of what's going to happen once we go home."

"Isn't the expectation part of the excitement though, Alice? I mean, I'm not one of those girls who decide within minutes whether or not I'm going to sleep with a guy, but I do consider it along the way." I say.

"That's part of the beauty of it; we've already slept with each other. We know the chemistry is there; we know that we're in love. We're just taking this time to solidify that love. This is a good thing. You'll see once you're in a relationship, Bella. Taking things slow can be really great for both you and your partner."

"I think I'd rather just get laid, Alice." I laugh. "Sorry."

She laughs as well.

"Well, I guess whatever makes you happy makes you happy." She replies. "Let's go see what the boys are doing."

"Yeah, if you're not careful, they'll start doing each other." I reply.

"You're so out-there Bella." She giggles as we make our way back inside.

"No, fuck no! She's way hotter than…"Edward cuts off as he sees us come in.

"Hey…girls." He says. She crosses her arms and I laugh.

"Yeah, she's way hotter than you, Emmett." I say with mock fierceness.

"Shut up, Bella." He grits.

He makes his way over to Alice.

"Sorry," he says sheepishly.

"It's okay, but you really shouldn't be talking about women like that Edward, honestly." She replies.

"Yeah, Edward, honestly!" I mock anger.

"Why don't we just get out of here and go see a movie or something?" he says quietly to her.

"I'd like that" she giggles.

"Make sure it's PG." I poke fun.

"Shut up, Bella." They both reply.

"Hey, you wanna go see a movie, Emmett?" I ask.

"Why, I think I'd love to go see a movie, Bella." He replies.

"Let's all go to the movies then." I smile.

"Oh, that would be fun!" Alice chimes.

Edward looks annoyed.

I grin.

Oh yeah, this is _totally_ going to be a good time.

* * *

**AN**: _Thank you for reading!_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine** _– Oh, Oh, Oh,_ _Hey, Green Eyes_

**BPOV**

I loved watching movies with my brother. Both he and I could never take them seriously. Recycled storylines and horrific acting didn't exactly strike my emotions the way an old book could; and while I could appreciate the manly sexiness that is Channing Tatum and Mark Wahlberg, I don't think anyone would argue that they were natural born thespians. No, no, movie night was meant for laughter and popcorn throwing.

Unfortunately, Emmett and I were out with some duds that wanted no part in that. They'd asked us politely if they could sit together and enjoy the romance of the movie; gag three thousand. No, really, I'm pretty sure that was the name of Kate Hudson's most recent film. Gag Three Thousand.

The theater was quiet this time of day; only younger teenagers roaming around. The smell of popcorn made me happy.

"We'll have the jumbo tub," I told the yummy concession stand attendant. His name tag read Travis, and he was super cute. He was probably super seventeen too, but whatever. I wasn't _touching_. Besides, younger boys were rarely worth the effort they required.

"Gross, Bella, do you know how much fat is in that thing?" Alice said making a face at the tub Travis was currently filling

"It's not like I'm planning on eating much of it," I mumbled.

"What do you mean?" she asked naively.

Travis popped the giant mound of popcorn in front of us in all of its oily fatty goodness. Yeah, it packed a caloric punch considering it was mostly air, but it was a classic.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah, Swedish fish please." I smile.

"Really, Bell?" Alice asks. "There's not even any flavoring in that! It's nothing more than sugar and food coloring!"

"_And_ gelatin, Alice. Don't forget the gelatin." I reply.

Emmett and Edward were still off buying tickets, and Miss Mary Legume was pissing me off.

She scoffs.

"It's _movie night_, Alice. Junk food is part of the experience."

"Because your arteries _know_ what night movie night happens to fall on, and give you a pass on heart disease."

"Hey, Travis…I'll take an order of loaded nachos too. Extra loaded, please." I say, smiling to Alice.

"_I'll_ just have a diet coke, thank you…" she tells him.

"Why, Mary Alice, do you know the chemicals that are in diet products? Aspartame isn't exactly brimming with vitamin C and immune boosting amino acids." I tell her.

"Maybe, but it's not going to make me gain ten pounds in a day either." she replies.

"Neither is this, and at least I'm ingesting some nutrients! My nachos contain meat which is protein, and cheese which is calcium. Not to mention all of the healthy veggies in the salsa! All essential to a healthy body."

"The percentage of nutrients in that dish in comparison to the percentage of laden fat calories is nominal. I'm sorry but you can't just eat that shit and expect to look _or_ feel good."

"It's not like I have a weight problem, Alice, so I must be feeding myself alright." I say, motioning to my waist.

"Right, yeah, okay…" she says, looking at the wall.

"Excuse you. What the hell does that mean?" I ask, getting angry.

"What? I said yeah, I agreed with you."

"No, you did not. You said, 'right, yeah, _okay_...' It was entirely facetious!" I said, repeating her sarcastic tone of voice.

"No, it wasn't, and I didn't say it like that. Relax yourself, Bella. No one is saying that you're fat."

"I'm not fat." I say.

The food piles up on the counter.

"And I never said that you were." Alice replies.

"That'll be $22.50." Travis informs me. I frown at it. I don't even fucking want it anymore.

"Here, I got it…" Edward says coming up behind me and handing the guy his credit card.

"Aw, you got nachos, fuck yeah!" he mumbles.

"You might want to be careful, Edward. I hear that they make you fat." I tell him, grabbing my tub of popcorn and walking away.

"Bella, come on. I didn't _say_ that." Alice says following me.

"Enjoy your liquid chemicals!" I reply.

"What'd I miss?" Edward mutters, mouth full of nacho.

Emmett shrugs.

* * *

Sitting next to Emmett, two rows back from the lovebirds, I couldn't help but stew. I _wasn't_ fat. I mean, sure at my last doctor's visit, it may have been suggested that I should exercise a little more to be healthier, but I _had_ been. I did my yoga every single day, and on days where I felt motivated, I'd go for runs. I weighed a respectable 135 pounds and wore a size eight, for goodness sake. Did that qualify me as fat these days? My belly was flat; my ass good and firm. I was in good shape, damn it. I just wasn't _small_ like that stupid bitch. I could rock the hell out of a bikini and my T and A made me feel feminine and soft.

Man, fuck her with a wooden spoon.

"Dude, what's your problem?" Emmett mumbles, nudging me with his beefy shoulder, his mouth full of popcorn.

"Nothing... butthead."

"Then why aren't you laughing with me? This movie blows. Dude's eye twitches every time he goes to kiss the broad."

"Sorry, shit. You're right. This movie sucks." I sigh. No more thinking; it was movie night! "Here, give me a handful of that." I tell him. He pushes the tub towards me and I grasp as much as my small hands will allow.

Picking up a kernel, I casually tossed it at Alice. Holding my breath for her reaction, I saw it catch in her dark locks.

When the reaction never comes, I can't help but smile at it. Ha ha, I got skills.

"Dude, she didn't even notice…" Emmett chuckles.

I toss another one at them, and Edward swats at his ear as if it suddenly started itching him.

I laugh a little too. Edward had played this game with us before; he should know it was bound to happen. You're either with us or against us, and Buddy, today you picked the wrong side.

"Wanna make a bet?" Emmett asks.

"Maaaaybe. What kind of bet?"

"We take turns tossing this shit at them; whoever lands more _on_ their bodies, wins." He says.

"Heads count?" I ask.

"Seeing as the head _is_ part of the body, yes, Bella."

"Shut up. Terms?" I question.

"Mmm…Fifty dollars. _And_ the loser has to do dishes at home for a month."

"Alright, I can live with that." I shrug.

I should've thought it out a bit longer. It really wasn't a contest; Emmett slaughtered me. I wasn't too terribly bothered though; I generally did the dishes at home anyway and I was pretty sure I'd owed him the fifty bucks anyway.

After the seventh safe landing, Edward rose up from his sticky seat, giving Alice some excuse about needing the restroom. As he passed, he gave me a meaningful look. I was just going out on a limb here, but I figured it must mean I should follow him.

"Hey, Em, I'm going to go get some more popcorn. You want anything?" I ask.

"Nah, I'm good."

Making my way to the lobby, I didn't see Edward anywhere, but I knew he had to be around. So, it probably shouldn't have been a surprise when his arm reached out from behind the men's room door to grab me, but it did, and I definitely squealed as he pulled me inside.

"Damn it, quiet up before someone thinks I'm in here raping you." He groaned.

"You could've just met me out there instead of giving me a heart attack, you ass! I wouldn't have made _any_ noises, then." I say, rubbing my arm.

"I was playing it safe! I didn't want anyone to see us talking." He replies.

"Why? Who fucking cares if we talk?" I ask.

"Things are really fucking fragile right now, Bella. I don't want to take any chances."

"Whatever. What do you want, anyway?" I cross my arms.

"I just want to ask you to stop tossing shit at us, okay? I'm trying to get the whole romantic vibe thing going, and it's killing my chi."

I can't help but scoff. His idea of romance was less exciting than a wet mop. I was over his self centered ass-like self. Who was he!? I wasn't even sure if I recognized him right then.

"No."

"What?" He asks, dumbfounded. "Just no? Just like that?"

I nodded.

"Why the fuck not then?"

"Because you're acting as uptight as your little girlfriend in there. Have a little fun, live a little. Toss shit back at us! Stop being such a pansy, it's _not_ a good look on you."

"I'm uptight because I wanted to have a nice date with my girlfriend without you and your brother tagging along and butting in?"

"No, you're uptight because your idea of a date is sitting in a movie theater and watching what's on the screen, occasionally making googly eyes at your girlfriend. Wake up, Edward. You're. fucking. boring!" I exclaim.

"Fuck off, Bella. I am not. _This_ is what _she_ likes…" he sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.

"Snooze fest!" I sing.

"Not to her."

"Is it really what she wants, though? You were doing this shit before and she was losing interest and you know it. Maybe you should start bringing some of yourself out and less of who you think you need to be to impress her."

"This is myself, trying to be a decent boyfriend." He says.

"Bullshit. If you were on a date with someone else, you wouldn't be here. You'd be in a park, chasing birds, or playing something stupid like kickball and jumping into a lake in fully clothed. You'd break into a school just because you wanted to play the chorus room piano or see what it's like to use the P.A. system. Fool whoever you want, but I know you. You don't sit still unless you're wallowing in her. You're creative…and fun, when you want to be. So just…fucking stop the zombie routine already."

"Yeah, because your advice as always taken me so far." He says.

"At least I give you advice. You've become so subdued that you'll bury your head in the sand and give up. I make you push forward, I make you try."

"You don't _make_ me do anything."

"I make you cum." I say.

He stops for a moment. His head cocks to the side, and he tries not to grin. Rubbing his jaw, he can only get out my name.

"Bella…"

"I make you cum so hard you can't see straight, and you don't need to pretend, or hide or bury your head when I do it. Don't you like that freedom? Doesn't it feel good to just be yourself?"

"You know that that is a different situation entirely…"

"No it's not." I move forward, closer to Edward. His body exudes warmth and tension. I feel his energy in the air; breathe in his breath. He's not just a man; he is a presence in my life. I don't even need to touch him to feel him everywhere.

"When it's right, it should feel honest. You need to start being honest with her and with yourself." I reach my finger tips out to his face. I brush them down the hard flesh of his cheek bone and against his rough stubble.

"You should be touching her in this theater… She should feel like a woman when she's beside you; a caress of her thigh; your warm breath in her ear." I take his hand into mine. His palm is hardened; such a contrast to the soft of my own. I run my middle finger along the length of his palm. I love these hands.

"Make a move. Stop sitting on your ass, Edward. Make a move." I say, looking up to his eyes. His bright green orbs.

"Make a move, huh?" he replies, rough.

"Mm hmm. Be subtle about it; soft."

"Yeah?" He says.

"Yeah…"

"Make a move…" he repeats, mostly to himself.

Before I can anticipate it, his lips descend onto my own and my arms react instantly by finding their way onto his shoulders. What had we been talking about? I remember his mouth moving, his eyes watching mine; but had there been words? Our mouths open and I tug myself closer into him. He is warm but I am fire. Harsh and bright, I'm willing to engulf him into my body and smolder his ash. Our tongues tangle and I lose my sense of being; where are we anyway? So close to the one who should never know and yet too far to care. His hard body presses me into the door and I feel how ready he really is; how close he is to that achy need for combustion. Kill the time switch and let it blow.

It would be so easy to let him slip inside me; to remove all of my clothes in this filthy bathroom and let him have me in entirety. Easy and satisfying, it would be everything. But I'll play by his stupid rules today and offer him my mouth and my hands. With no locks on the door, he returns the favor in spades and while it's not quiet for anyone involved, I know the thickness of the door hides our secret.

I'm not embarrassed, but my cheeks are _so_ red. Did that happen just now? Have I lost all touch with reality?

"You, um, should go back first…" I tell him. I stare into the mirror. My shirt lies limply around my shoulders, my hair is a mess; my head a cloud.

He comes behind me, wraps his arms around my waist and sucks onto the exposed skin of my neck. He feels like a man, strong and thick, but he smells like me.

"Don't wanna go back…" he whispers into my skin.

He's cuddly after he cums. I want to cuddle him here on the tile.

"Have to…"

"Do we? We could sneak out the emergency exit. Hit up a skate park. Spend the day rollerblading next to the skateboarders." He says.

"Skating?" I laugh lightly.

"Yeah, why not?" he smiles his boyish smile at me.

"Or we could drive out to Nevada. Spend the day in a casino losing all of our money. Hitchhike our way back home. Just to say that we did it." I reply.

"We could just camp by the river. I could build you a fire, since you're always cold."

"Maybe. Some other day, huh?" I pat his hands with my palms and move away from him. "You go ahead; I'm just going to fix my hair." I say.

"Alright." He kisses my forehead and heads over to the door.

"Hey Bell?" he says.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not so boring after all, am I?"

"Eh. On a scale of one to ten, you're tepid at best." I smile.

"Such a bullshitter," he laughs, shaking his head and walking out the door. I laugh lightly to myself. I splash some cold water on my hot cheeks and inhale deeply.

"What are you doing, girl…" I say to myself with a sigh.

* * *

What was I doing, indeed? Reservations aside, I was having myself a blast. I had let Alice believe that that day at the movies I'd snuck off with Travis, the cute concession stand employee and all animosity between us evaporated. She wanted to know all about the new boy in my life, and after she'd baked me two trays of cookies to apologize for intimating I should drop a few, I _wanted_ to tell her all about it. The thing was, the details I was giving referred to a boy I wasn't actually dating. It felt good to have someone to talk to about Edward though, even if it was just a shadow of the truth. Then, in a bid to regain our closeness, Ali and I started to go to weekly yoga classes together and in an attempt to maintain my own amnesty, I never commented on her ridiculous unitards.

E and I met up almost daily. Not always to just fool around; but to regain some of what once was. Hanging out in the woods and jumping fences… I needed the adventure; he needed the freedom. Wasn't it an adventure, though? I was having an out of body experience. I was black print on white pages; I was a main character; Alice just a footnote. It was intoxicating. I felt desired. Seeing Edward in my sheets when I got home from work, knowing he should have been with his girlfriend was wildly thrilling. The guilt and shame I'd felt when looking at myself in the mirror wore thin, and all I knew was touch, taste and want. Could something that made me feel so good be even a little bit wrong?

I got home from work that afternoon with a smile. I prepared dinner while humming, gave my mom her medicines without cringing and I even spent some extra time freshening up in case I had any evening company. Emmett walked in and headed straight up the stairs without a word.

"Hey!" I shouted. "Dinner should be ready in like, five minutes."

"Can't, Bell. Thanks anyway!" he replies down the stairs.

Curiously, I walked up the stairs and headed to his bedroom. He was in his closet laying out dressy clothing.

"I made lasagnaaaaa," I sang. "Where you goin' that you're going to miss it?"

"Aw, shit man. Save me some okay? I'm going out tonight with Rosie and E."

"Edward's tagging along on your date?" I scoffed.

"Nah, he's bringing his girl too. You know, the little one."

"Where you guys goin'?" I ask.

"Easy Streets. Taking the girls out drinking and dancing." He replied.

"That place is actually really cool. They have this like, house drink there called the floor-licker. It's supposed to be legendary. Hey, maybe I'll tag along." I say.

"Ah, maybe not a good idea Bell. This is kind of like a couples' night kind of thing, you understand?"

"So…I'll call Jake. Invite him along."

"Bella," Emmett says, putting his shirt down on his bed. "Listen, it's great that you get along so good with E and me but… you really need to branch out more and get your own life. Your own crew. Just…hang out with Mom tonight, alright?"

"I have my own life, Emmett. It's really not my fault that your best friend decided to steal my best friend away from me. I thought we were all friends."

"It's not that we aren't, Bella, but tonight E and I just want to spend some time with our girls. We don't really want to have to worry about checking in on you and making sure you're having an okay time, alright? Next time maybe. Don't you have that book you were planning on reading, anyway?" he asks.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. I really don't give a shit." I mumble walking out of his room.

"You're the best, Bells!" he sings down to me.

I'm sitting down at the table eating my lasagna when Emmett's crew comes in. Dressed to kill, the three of them look amazing. Alice's hair is up high, letting her sparkly blue dress stand out. Rose is in pink, her lips dark, her hair wild. And Edward…button down, dark slacks. I feel very out of place in my pajamas.

"Hey, sweetie." Alice says, walking over to kiss my cheek.

"Hey, hungry?" I ask.

"Aw, no thanks. If I eat anything, it's going to show in this dress." She says, patting her stomach. Rosie waves and goes upstairs to see Emmett. Edward lingers between the door and the kitchen.

"Suit yourself." I say, shoveling a mouthful in.

"I'll have some." Edward says, and I pass a plate towards his side of the room.

"What are you up to for tonight?" Alice asks.

"You're lookin' at it." I tell her.

"Aw, Bella. We have to get you out of this house. Hey! Why don't you invite Travis and come along with us tonight?" she asks excitedly.

Travis is already going, _with her_, but she doesn't know that.

"He actually has plans for tonight, so it's all good." I reply.

"Who's Travis?" Edward asks, mouth full.

"This boy Bella is dating." Alice replies. He coughs a little.

"You're dating someone?" he asks.

"Not…officially. We're just seeing each other here and there." I reply. Fuck me with a hose. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"I haven't met him." He says.

"No one has, it's new, okay?" I argue.

"I want to meet him, Bella. It's about time I get to grill a boy about you instead of vice versa!" she laughs.

"Yeah, I'd like to meet him too, Bella. Some guy he must be if he's making you sneak around." Edward bitches with a sour puss on his face.

"He has his reasons, Edward. Butt out, okay?" I reply.

"Like you had your reasons for not telling me or Emmett about him too, I'm sure." He says.

"How would you know if I told Emmett?" I ask.

"Emmett would have told me about the douche." He replies.

"He's not a douche, but you know something? You are." I stand up and grab his plate from in front of him and shove it in the sink.

"I was still eating that." He complains.

"Don't care."

"Come on, E. Leave her alone. If she wants to keep him to herself for a while, I think it's sweet. It's private and personal." Alice wraps her arms around Edward's left arm and smiles.

"Thanks, Al."

"Or he's got a wife and three kids."

"Be quiet, he does not." She tells him.

"No, he doesn't. Just big hands and perfect lips." I say.

Edward gives me a sardonic smile and a sarcastic laugh.

"Alright, party people, you ready!?" Emmett booms.

"Yeah. Have fun, party people." I deadpan.

"Call if Travis gets free and you guys wanna join us, okay?" Alice smiles.

"I'll do that."

"Bye sweetie," she says, hugging me.

"Bye guys."

* * *

I go to bed at nine that night. I'm envious. I'm tired but sleep won't come. I want to be out; I want to be with them dancing, getting trashed. My bed is cold. I put in as much time into that relationship as either of them, right? Why should I sit at home?

Crawling out from under the covers, I find my cell phone and dial.

"Hello?" he growls.

"Jake, wake your sorry ass up. We're going out."

* * *

**AN:** _Sorry for the delay in updates, but blame work; not me! That, and this chapter just didn't want to come out. Thank you for reading; I hope to hear from you all soon!_


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